Grief's Best Song
by mabelreid
Summary: When Reid ran into her at his favorite Starbucks, he didn't know she would change his outlook on life after the loss of Maeve. The time line for this is season nine right after Mr and Mrs Anderson REID/OFC
1. Flesh Wound

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**A/n this is a follow up to chapter 23 of Scenes Unseen. You don't have to read that chapter to read this story, but I'd like it if you did! **_

_**Flesh Wound**_

"_Hope is grief's best music." - Anonymous_

The night sky was black except for the moon high overhead. Its light cast shadows over the driveway where they'd parked their SUV. Reid didn't notice the moon or the shadows that fell like cloaks of darkness over the house and yard. He descended last from the black SUV and pulled his gun from his holster.

Hotch silently dispersed the team and the cops around the perimeter of the one story ranch style home in a quiet neighborhood. Reid took off with JJ to the back of the house. They flattened against the cold and dingy siding that covered the home and waited. When the signal came through their earpieces, JJ reached for the screen door and pulled it open. Reid entered first with his gun in both hands and cleared the kitchen

He was about to step through the doorway to a hall at his right when something moved into the golden glow of his flashlight. "Freeze," he called out. "FBI! Put your hands in the air."

"Spence," he heard JJ cry out, and then she shoved him hard.

He felt something tug at the sleeve of his shirt just below the shoulder of his right arm, and then he hit the wall and stumbled. His flashlight flew out of his hand at the same time another gun blast filled the room. He fell, rolled and came to his feet just as the lights flooded the room.

"Don't move," JJ, ordered as a man roughly the size of a small mountain bore down on them.

"Stop," Reid called out and brought up his gun.

"Get outta my way, bitch or I'll kill you."

"Freeze," Hotch commanded as he hurried into the kitchen with Morgan on his heels.

Morgan tackled the big man with enough force to bring any man to the ground. The un-sub staggered but didn't go down. Morgan held on with his arms around the big man's neck. "Stop it," he ordered in a breathless voice.

Morgan grunted and tightened his grip so that the big man stopped and dropped to his knees. He tried to flip Morgan over his shoulders, but Morgan held on as Hotch and another police officer joined them and wrestled him into handcuffs.

"Ow," the man cried as Morgan released him. "I'll kill you little man," he spat at Morgan.

"Little," Rossi said as he entered the kitchen. "That's not a word I'd use to describe you, Derek."

"Ha, ha," Morgan said. "Get up and behave," he hissed at the giant. It took the four of them to manhandle the un-sub out to a waiting cop car.

"Did you find her?" Reid asked.

"What the hell happened to you?" Rossi asked, as he ignored Reid's inquiry.

"Spence, are you okay?"

Blake and JJ converged on him like a lioness with her cub. He flinched and tried to pull away, but JJ grabbed his arm.

"Ouch, damn it," he cried out.

"You're bleeding!"

Blake got on her radio. "Hotch, Reid's hurt, we need a medic."

"I'm alright," he yanked his arm away from JJ. "Where's Katie?"

"We've got her," Detective Sloane said as he reentered the kitchen. "She's fine. We made it just in time. You okay. He directed at Reid."

"I'm alright," he repeated as if they were all five years old.

"No, you're not. You were shot."

"JJ, leave it alone."

Two medics entered the kitchen with Hotch and Morgan on their heels.

"What the hell, man?"

"Reid, what happened?"

"It's just a scratch."

He craned his head around to look at the patch of crimson blood on his white dress shirt. "See, no bullet in my flesh. I can walk on my own power and it doesn't even hurt that much."

"That's because your adrenaline is still raging," said one of the medics. "Get back, please," he said to JJ.

"Fine," she huffed and stepped back to lean against the counter that held the kitchen sink.

"Doesn't look too bad," said the second medic.

He took off Reid's vest and shirt. He started to examine the wound while his partner wrapped a blood pressure cuff around Reid's left arm.

"BP 140/89," he announced after a long minute of quiet, broken only by the sound of his hand pumping the sphygmomanometer bulb.

He ripped off the cuff and put his stethoscope to Reid's chest. "Chest sounds clear. Heart rate is up."

"No fucking wonder," Morgan said and ignored a glaring stare from Hotch.

"I'm fine," Reid insisted.

The medic moved around back and said, "Deep breaths please."

"Is this really necessary?"

"Yes," said everyone in the room at the same time."

"Fine," he breathed in for the medic. "Are you happy?"

"Yes," they all said again.

"Stop it," he said as Morgan and Rossi grinned at him and Hotch glowered, but his glare didn't have quite the same power as usual. Blake was staring at him and he could feel JJ's eyes on the back of his head.

"Alright, I'll cooperate," he said with extreme politeness that had Morgan rolling his eyes."

"Good," said the medic. "Let's get you to the hospital."

"I don't need to go to the hospital."

"Yes you do," Hotch said. "You know why."

Reid huffed out a breath. "I know, Workman's Compensation Insurance."

"That, and what are you gonna do if it gets infected," Blake wanted to know.

"I said I'd go… You don't have to gang up on me."

"Apparently we do," Rossi said. "I don't know why you're complaining. You get a few days off to relax while the rest of us do paperwork until doomsday on this little case."

"I don't care about the time off; it's filling out the yellow sheet that's giving me a headache."

Everyone laughed, including Hotch. "Don't you have a stack of them in your desk at the office," Rossi wondered.

"NO!" He almost shouted.

"Yes, he does," Morgan, said at the same time.

Reid threw him a black look. "Go away and leave me alone."

"Not in this lifetime, kid. I'm staying with you."

"Me too," JJ said.

"Then let's get going," said the nearest medic despite the glower turned on him by Reid.

CMCMCM

He inhaled the wonderful ambrosia of his favorite beverage, coffee with lots of lovely, sweet sugar. He sighed and hurried to a table just inside the door of his usual morning hangout, Starbucks. The best thing about a gunshot wound to the arm was that he had two. He could hang his messenger bag over his good shoulder and still carry his cup of coffee. Walking on crutches and trying to carry coffee was a challenge he never wanted to repeat ever again.

He was about two thirds through a new philosophy book for his new Master's course when he looked up and saw her. She was just turning away from the cashier when he caught her eye. She smiled and his stomach hitched. Her eyes lit up and she walked over to his table.

"It must be Kismet," she said.

"Um, really," he squeaked and then cleared his throat.

"Can I sit with you?"

"Sure."

Oh yeah, he wanted her to sit down so he could look into her beautiful eyes again.

"I'm sorry, I know we don't know each other, but since I nearly knocked you over a couple of weeks ago, I thought I better apologize."

"It's okay. I know you didn't do it on purpose."

"Why don't we start over? My name is Hope."

"I'm Reid, um I mean, my name is Spencer Reid, uh, Dr. Spencer Reid."

"Did you put that sling on your own arm?"

He smiled at her when she winked at him. "Oh, no I'm not a medical doctor."

"What kind of doctor are you?"

"Actually, I have three doctorates."

Her eyebrows went up and she sipped at the double latte she had in her hand. "Are you some kind of genius?"

"Um, yeah, I am."

"Oh, that was supposed to be a joke. You're really a genius."

"Is that a problem?"

"Not from where I'm standing. You're the best looking smart guy I know."

He drank from his coffee so he didn't have to look at her eyes, even though they made his stomach do flips.

"I'm nothing special."

"Why don't you let me decide that?"

Starbucks was beginning to empty out. He should be going, but he suddenly didn't care if he were late for work that morning.

"You have pretty eyes," he blurted out and then wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

She went very rosy in the cheeks and it enhanced her oval shaped face. His stomach flipped again and he realized that he wasn't the one blushing.

"Thank you."

"Look, I'm sorry. We don't know each other, but -"

"Sometimes, you have to seize the opportunity that's before you or you miss out on something great."

"Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons."

She grinned at him. "I've never heard that one."

"It's a quote from Ruth Ann Shabacker."

"I'm going to have to go look her up," Hope said. "She sounds like a very smart woman."

"I haven't read too much of her work," he started to say, but then he grimaced and rubbed at his right shoulder.

"You okay."

"Yeah, I got shot two days ago."

"What? How?"

"On duty," he reached with his left hand and pulled his badge out of his pocket.

"You're a cop."

He flinched a little at the hard tone in her voice.

"I'm a profiler for the FBI at Quantico."

"Oh," she looked out the window at the grey sky and then back at him. "Um, I'm gonna be late. I'll see you later."

"But, I don't know -"

She grabbed her cup of coffee and her bag. "I have to go. I'm really late. I'll see you later, Dr. Reid."

She was gone and he was left with a cup of cold coffee and his heart somewhere in the region of his shoes.

_What did I do this time? _


	2. Sunday Brunch

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Sunday Brunch**_

"_**Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." **_

_**George Washington**_

The second Sunday of every month was David Rossi's favorite day. He could indulge in his love of cooking for someone other than himself, and spend time with his teammates outside the demands of the job.

It was Sunday, in mid March, and the weather was sunny. It was about fifty degrees when the clock struck noon. At the same time, he added fresh, coarsely chopped basil to his tomato sauce. His doorbell signaled his first expected arrival. He wiped his hands on an apron he wore that was a gag gift from Erin. It said, "Kiss the Chef," across the front in black letters.

Reid stood at the door when Dave answered. "Come in," he said and kissed Reid on both cheeks. He embraced him and slapped him on the back. "Good to see you."

"Yeah, it smells wonderful as always."

"Live to eat, not eat to live," Dave said.

"As long as it's your Italian style brunch," Reid said with approval.

"Why don't you make yourself useful and chop some onions for me."

Reid followed Rossi to the kitchen and accepted a second apron. This one didn't have an admonition to kiss the cook, but that was totally okay with Reid.

"So, why did you ask me here an hour ahead of the rest?"

"That's what I like about you, Reid. You don't waste time with small talk."

Reid stopped in the act of slicing through a large red onion. "What's the use when you clearly want to talk to me? We all know that Garcia will arrive at least half an hour before one, so that leaves you 26 minutes to grill me."

"Nice analogy, Reid, but you're right; I did want to talk to you."

Reid kept his eyes on the cutting board and the onion so he didn't have to look at Dave.

"I'm concerned about you. You've been moping around the office for the last few days."

Reid stopped chopping and rubbed at his shoulder. The doctor had let him out of the sling the day before, but his arm still twinged a bit.

"I haven't been moping."

"Really, then why have you been avoiding JJ and Garcia whenever possible?"

"What happened to the moratorium on inter-team profiling?"

"Reid."

"I just don't think talking to them will do any good. Garcia's wrapped up in her computers and Steve."

Rossi pulled a carton of eggs from the fridge and some milk. He opened his cabinet above the counter and took out some spices. "What about JJ?"

"I don't like the person she's become," Reid said flatly. "I know she survived a horrible ordeal and it changed her. It would change anyone, but she's lost that side of her that made her likeable. Now she's all about kicking ass and knocking down doors."

"Why don't you tell me? You know I won't judge or tell you what to do. I do want to help. Anything to get you to stop moping."

Reid laughed then resumed chopping the onion. His eyes began to burn and water so Rossi tossed him a red and white striped towel.

"If you promise not to tell the others."

Dave winked at him. "I take confidentiality in my friendships very seriously."

"I met someone."

Dave paused from whisking up several eggs in a glass bowl. "That's not what I expected."

"You remember we talked about moving on."

"Yeah."

"Well, I feel like I'm ready to move on. Maeve is still in my heart," he touched a hand to his chest and then his head, "and in my head, but she doesn't dominate them any more. Does that make sense?"

"Yes."

"I literally bumped into a girl, I mean woman, at Starbucks."

Ross grinned at him as he added a little milk, garlic, salt and pepper to his eggs. "Did you spill coffee on her?"

"No," Reid squeaked. "It was her fault."

"Really, are you sure it wasn't an accident?"

"Dave…"

"What's so bad about bumping into a pretty girl?"

"Nothing and I really like her."

"That's good," Dave said as he added fresh chives to his mixture, covered it and put it in the fridge.

"Yeah, I mean it was kind of strange because she apologized to me and the next thing I know she's quoting to me about bumping into someone if you always look back. It was like something Maeve would say."

"Oh."

"What's that supposed to mean? I don't like her because I think she's like Maeve."

"You ran into her in Starbucks. I assume you didn't have a long conversation."

"No, I had to go because I was late, but I saw her again last week."

"So, is she like Maeve?"

Reid handed over his chopped onions to Rossi and wiped at his burning eyes again. "No, she's nothing like Maeve, except she kind of has the same eye color. She has hair that looks like copper and she's about five feet five I guess.

"Is she pretty?"

"Yeah, she's really pretty. She has a nice figure and she has a great smile. She made me laugh, and I usually don't laugh with total strangers."

"Here," Rossi said as he handed Reid some parmesan cheese. "I need some grated please."

"What happened," Rossi asked and motioned Reid on with his free hand.

"I don't know. We were having coffee and talking. I remember thinking that I didn't mind if I were late that day, when she just shut down and got really cold and distant. I haven't seen her since."

"What did you say to her?"

"Why does it have to be what I said?" He squeaked.

"Because as a man you're always in the wrong when it comes to women. The sooner you learn that, the better off you're going to be."

"Dave…"

"Alright, I'll be serious. What were you talking about when she got cold and distant."

"We were talking about my job. She asked me about my shoulder and I told her I was shot and showed her my badge.

Rossi shrugged. "Sounds harmless to me, unless she has something against law enforcement. Some people do, you know."

"I know, but why get mad. She looked like she was ready to toss my badge and my coffee in the trash."

"I don't know, but its sounds like you're better off without her. If she doesn't like cops or feds, then it's not going to work."

"Yeah, that's what I've been trying to tell myself, but there was just something about her. I saw something that I want to know."

Rossi stopped cutting strawberries into thin slices. "Look, I know you want to move on, but that doesn't mean it has to be with the first person you meet."

Reid sighed. He put down the cheese and the grater. "I wish I knew how to deal with all the feelings I have or want to have. When I met Maeve, I was new to the love stuff. I knew that I wanted to love someone, but I didn't know how to make it happen. I had crushes on girls, but never really loved someone, and then I met Maeve. When she said she loved me, it was as if something turned on in me and when she died, it was as if something broke in me. Now I think that thing isn't broken anymore, but the other feelings are still there. I want to love someone again because this last year without it has been hell. I don't want to forget Maeve, but I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to go back to Spencer Reid before Maeve. I want to be Spencer Reid after Maeve with someone new. Does that make sense?

"Yes, it does. Believe me when I tell you I understand, but you have to know that you can't force it to happen again. You have to be open to all possibilities. If this woman doesn't like law enforcement officers, then that's her loss."

"It's funny; I never thought my job would put someone off. I love what I do."

Dave nodded. "You've changed a lot in the last year, Spencer. I want to say something and I don't want you to misunderstand."

Reid stood looking at him out of puppy brown eyes and Rossi sighed. "I think your experience with Maeve changed you in profound ways. You're more concerned with the victims and their families. I remember when I first met you. You were so smart and everything about the job was a challenge to you. You loved figuring out the puzzle. Oh, don't misunderstand, I love that you were energized by figuring out the puzzles, but I think the Reid I know now is even better at the job because you care, even if it hurts more.

"I know what you mean," Reid said. "I'm not mad. I used to think if I only cared about the mind of the killer or figuring out the mystery, that things would be easier, but now I know that's not true."

"You were the victim of a terrible crime," Rossi said as he stirred his simmering tomato sauce. "You watched the woman you loved, murdered in a horrible way. The best thing about you is that you didn't let it turn you into a permanent victim. You care about others and you do what you can to make sure they don't suffer like you did."

Reid nodded. "I just want to help."

"Then put that compassionate heart and your desire to care out there and who knows what you'll find. It might be this woman -"

"Her name is Hope," Reid interrupted.

Rossi smiled again. "Well, that's interesting. Hope has always been the doorway from grief, don't you think."

Reid laughed. "I don't know."

"It's okay if you don't, none of us do."

A knock sounded at Rossi's door. "That'll be Garcia," he said.

Reid looked at his watch. It was twelve thirty. "Dave can we pretend we've been talking about something else. I love Garcia, it's just that -"

"Say no more," Rossi, said. "I'll distract her by teaching her a new vegetarian recipe I found."

"Thanks, Dave."

"You're welcome and remember what I said. This Hope might be someone you could love, but it might be someone else. Just keep your heart and mind open."


	3. A Day At The Park

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**A Day at the Park**_

"_**The only way to have a friend is to be one."**_

_**Ralph Waldo Emerson **_

"Can I throw the ball, Uncle Spence?"

Reid pushed his sunglasses up on his face and tossed the ball up into the air. He caught it with his glove, and then threw it very slowly to Henry, who just missed catching it.

"I'll get it," he called back to Reid as the ball rolled down the hill.

"Okay, but be careful."

He watched his godson run down the grassy park hill. He looked up at just as a plane flew overhead and left a trail across a blue sky with billowy white clouds. When he looked back at the playground, Henry was at the bottom of the hill near some trees and bushes. He smiled at the boy because who knew he'd ever learn to play ball let alone play with a five year old. At least their skill levels were about the same.

"Dr. Reid, is that you?"

He jumped at the sound of a familiar voice. She stood there with her coppery curls pulled back in a ponytail with sweat rolling down her face. She wore a pair of black shorts with a white stripe down the sides and a white tank top. A black covered her ponytail and her feet were clad in white running shoes and socks.

"Hope," he squeaked and then he remembered that day in Starbucks.

"I can't believe we ran into each other again."

"Yeah, well I'm here with my godson, so I really can't talk."

"Oh, well, I guess -"

"Uncle Spence, who is she?"

Henry pointed at Hope. His little face scrunched up under the bright spring sun and he frowned a little.

"This is Hope."

"Are you gonna throw the ball, Uncle Spence?"

"Hey, Henry," a little voice interrupted this odd gathering.

A small boy with black hair and skin the color of coffee hurried up the hill toward Henry.

"Hi, Jimmy," Henry said. "I'm playin ball with Uncle Spence."

"Hi, Spencer," said Jimmy.

"Hi, Jimmy," Spencer waved at him.

"Hey, Spencer," greeted a tall man with hair and skin identical to Jimmy. "Do you mind if we borrow Henry. Jimmy wants to play on the playground equipment."

"Sure."

"See ya later, Uncle Spence."

"Be careful," he hollered after them.

He turned back to see Hope still stood there watching him. Something twisted up in his gut again. "What do you want?"

She flinched. "I wanted to talk to you. Can we sit down?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Look, I wanted to apologize for the other day, but if you're going to talk to me like that-"

"What do mean? You're the one that walked out of Starbucks after I told you I'm an FBI agent. What was _that _all about?"

"I know, and I'm so sorry. Can we please sit down?"

He went to one of the benches, painted a beautiful forest green, that were scattered along the concrete walkway that circled the park.

"I'm sitting."

She sat on the opposite end of the bench, as far away as she could without falling off the end. "I know what I did was very rude and inexcusable."

"Yes, it was," he said as he looked down at the playground equipment sitting at the bottom of the hill.

"I wanted to call you, but I didn't know how to reach you."

"Then I guess it's a good thing we ran into each other, again."

"You know, I'm trying to apologize."

"I'm not stopping you."

"Yes, you are," she snapped. "You won't even look at me."

He pulled off his sunglasses and turned her way. "I'm looking at you now."

He watched her hands twist in her lap. "I really am sorry for the way I talked to you. It's not what you think."

"How do you know what I think?"

"You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?"

"Why should I? We don't know each other. I don't even know your last name."

"It's Charles."

He just sat there and stared at her until she went pink in the cheeks and sighed.

"Alright, here's the thing. My grandfather and my uncle are police with Washington Metro. I have two cousins that are cops too. My dad and my older brothers went into the military. So I'm familiar with men in high-risk jobs.

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"I guess it must run in the family, this desire to hook up with cops and the military because my fiancé was a cop with DC Metro, too. He was the son of one of my uncle's partners. He was killed in the line of duty two years ago. It was a drug bust and the gang bangers had armor piercing rounds. He took three to the chest."

"I'm sorry," Reid said and now he was facing her with eyes that held more sympathy then she'd seen in a very long time. "I still don't understand," he said quietly.

"It's so stupid because we hardly know each other and yet I had such a visceral reaction to your job. I thought I was done grieving."

"I think I understand."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, something happened to me a year ago and I thought I'd never feel right again."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, and I know that sounds rude after what you told me, but again, we don't really know each other."

Hope flinched, but she nodded her head. "No, you're right, we don't know each other. I'd like to rectify that if you'll let me. I like you, Dr. Spencer Reid."

"I like you too, Hope, but I don't know what to think about that."

"Is it okay if we just be friends for now?"

He looked back at the bottom of the grassy hill, and Henry who was playing on the slides with his friend. His little godson's delighted laughter rang out and it made him smile.

"I'd like that," he finally said.

"Me too. I'll try not to bring along my baggage."

"Agreed," he said.

"I was just finishing my run. Why don't I go and you can finish playing with your godson."

"Yeah, um, I'd like to call you, if that's okay."

She smiled and it lit up her face like a stained glass window brightened by the setting sun. He felt more butterflies in his stomach, but it wasn't unpleasant this time.

"I'd love it."

CMCMCMCMCMCMCM

"Uncle Spence," Henry asked as they walked the short distance from the park to JJ's house. "Are you gonna marry Hope?"

"No," Reid squeaked. "She a new friend."

"Why do you like girls? They're icky."

Reid laughed. "You mother is a girl."

Henry frowned. "She is?"

"Yes, she is."

"Oh."

"Don't worry, I have a feeling you'll like girls one day. You might even have a best friend that's a girl."

"No I won't," Henry, said with such finality, that Reid grinned.

"Well, why don't we wait and see. Your Aunt Penelope is one of my best friends."

Henry thought about this for a long time. "I like Aunt Penelope."

"Yes, I know, and you might meet a girl just like her one day, if you're very lucky."

They turned in at JJ's house. Reid took Henry up to the door and spoke briefly with JJ when she met them.

"Can you stay for dinner?"

"No, I have plans, JJ. I'll stay next time."

"You sure."

"Yeah, thanks for asking me to take Henry to the park. It was fun."

JJ cocked her head and was about to say something he'd have to deflect when a phone rang from in the house. "Gotta get that. See you later."

"See you, JJ."

He went to his car and sat behind the wheel for a moment. It seemed like his cell phone was burning a hole in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the new contact he'd added for Hope Charles. This time there was no need for code names and phone booths, but he wasn't sure he felt any safer.


	4. Let's Talk

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

_**Let's Talk**_

"_**Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting a new world is born."**_

_**Anais Nin**_

Reid studied his chessmen. Actually, he stared at them without seeing the game. His cell phone lay next to the board, and his yellow rotary dial sat on his coffee table. He was studiously ignoring both of them.

"This is ridiculous," he said under his breath.

The game, he'd played five moves to checkmate, didn't have the power to distract him from thinking about Hope. He wanted to call her, but - what if he called her? They might become friends, and then they might become lovers and then something might happen to her and… He shook himself and went to his couch.

"You're getting way too far ahead of yourself, stop it! It's just a phone call."

Yeah, it was just a call, but with Maeve… No, he wouldn't go there, not now.

He picked up the handset to his phone and started to dial the number from memory. His hands shook and he felt very warm, but something about the way the rotary dial ratcheted though the numbers was strangely exhilarating. His heart raced and he felt so lightheaded that when Hope answered he couldn't speak for several seconds.

"Hello," she said again.

"Hope?" He squeaked.

"Who's this?"

"Um, sorry, hi, it's Reid, I mean Spencer Reid, um Spencer."

"Wow, I didn't expect to hear from you."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I've been out of town on a case for a few days."

"Oh."

He couldn't think of what to say next. He'd always talked about books, his cases, genetics and a host of other topics with Maeve. He didn't even know Hope. What could he say to her?

"Are you there, Spencer?"

"I'm sorry," he began with a squeak. He cleared his throat and started again. "I called because I find myself fascinated by the possibility of you, and now I don't know what to say."

"Why don't we stick to a neutral topic? What's your favorite book?"

He mouth went dry. He couldn't swallow. He tried to breathe, but it seemed like someone pressed on his chest with a hundred pound weight.

"Spencer?"

"Um, I like "The Narrative of John Smith."

"I've never read it."

His heart sank and he almost said goodbye, but his good sense reared up and bit him.

_She's not Maeve!_

"It's a book by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

"Oh, the one that wrote Sherlock Holmes."

"Yes."

"I haven't read any of the books. I've seen some of the movies, though."

He fought against the urge not to feel let down.

_Stop comparing her to Maeve!_

"The books are better than the movies," he said.

She was quiet for a long time. "I find that most book adaptations from Hollywood are sub-par."

"Yeah, the only book adaptations I like are Harry Potter," Reid said.

"Really, I love those books. The movies are good, but I really didn't like the fourth one. I thought they had to leave out too much."

"I liked the fourth movie. I didn't like the fifth."

"Oh, I love "The Order of the Phoenix… It was my favorite of the series."

"Not me, I love "The Goblet of Fire."

When he realized he'd been debating the merits of J K Rowling, her books and magic for over thirty minutes, his heart began to lift again. It was different from talking to Maeve, but he liked it.

"I'm kind of surprise that you like a story about a boy wizard."

"I always wanted to do real magic, not just do prestidigitation and illusion."

"You do magic," she said amid delighted laughter.

"Yeah, mostly with coins and small illusions, but I love it."

They were quiet again, but this time it was different. It was much less awkward. His heart was pounding again, but for a different reason.

"Hey, I don't want to say goodbye, but I really have to go," she said.

"It's okay. I hope we get to talk again sometime."

"Me too."

He decided to take another chance. "Can we see each other again? I don't want to just talk on the phone."

"Yes, I'd like that very much."

"When?"

"Why don't we meet for coffee tomorrow? I usually sleep in on Sunday, but I have the urge to watch the sun come up. Why don't we meet at Starbucks at 7:00 and then we can go down and sit next to the Potomac. It's supposed to be good weather."

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Goodbye, Spencer."

"Bye."

He let the handset fall back to its cradle. He sat back and stretched his arms up over his head. It was over, and he felt for the first time an elation he'd missed for months.

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He walked into Starbucks the next morning at 6:50. The young woman behind the counter glanced over at him, but she didn't smile. "What can I get ya?"

"Um, I'm meeting someone. She'll be here in a few minutes

The woman shrugged and went back to the book she read. He realized that she had a paperback copy of "Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone," and he nearly laughed.

It was still dark outside. The clocks had changed to Daylight Saving time a week ago and he hated that it was dark when it should be light, but there was nothing to do but wait for the day to lengthen in its own time.

Five minutes later the door to the coffee shop opened and Hope rushed in. Her coppery brown hair hung down around her face in windblown waves. She wore a coat royal blue coat with a navy blue scarf with white stripes, and blue jeans. She hurried over to him. She smiled and her blue eyes sparkled like stars. His hands tingled a little and his stomach felt like he'd just ridden the roller coaster at a theme park.

"Hi," he squeaked. "You look pretty," he said and then wanted to kick himself, pretty, really."

"Thank you. You look great. I love that purple scarf. It brings out your eyes."

He managed not to look down. He was wearing his usual cords, shirt and sweater under his coat. Maybe he should have thought about his clothes.

_Stop it. She likes it. Look at her._

She was still smiling at him. "Come on," she said. "Time is a wastin."

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Hope had a car at Starbucks, so they took it down to the Potomac. The park at the edge of the river boasted a few evenly spaced benches painted forest green.

Hope carried a blanket and he carried his coffee and a bag with a couple of chocolate chips muffins. "I'm glad you brought the blanket," he said.

"I watched the news last night and decided I better bring this."

He sat and realized at that moment that he'd have to sit very close to her to use the blanket. He watched her unfold the blanket and snap it straight. She stopped, looked down at him and her cheeks went red. "Oh, I didn't think this through. I should've brought another blanket. I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Because we'll have to sit very close."

A small gust of wind blew her hair around her face and the sweet smell of her perfume toward him. She suddenly looked like a fairy queen in a story and he wanted more of her smell.

"It's okay with me, if it's okay with you."

She sat down and handed him the blanket. He tossed it around them and pulled it tight. She sat so that their legs and arms pressed together, and it made him feel lightheaded in a very good way.

"I like this," she said to him with a shy smile.

"Me too."

The sun began its ascent over the horizon. The sky was still very blue, but also a bit of gold at the edges of some white clouds that stretched out like hair flowing in the wind.

Hope glanced over at Reid as their shared warmth sent little chills up her spine. The wind played with his hair and teased some pink out on his cheeks. She wanted to reach over and touch his face, but she made her hands stay in her lap.

"It's so lovely," she said, instead.

"Yeah, it's great."

He met her eyes and for an instant he couldn't remember why he'd felt so hesitant to let her begin to get past his walls.

"So, what now," he said forty minutes later when they decided to get in out of the cold.

"Why don't we have more coffee?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth."

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Hope pulled off her gloves and ran her fingers through her hair. Her heart wouldn't stop pounding in her chest. Finally, she'd met someone that was kind, and good and sweet. That he was an FBI agent didn't matter after a wonderful morning watching the sun come up and talking about books. He was so funny and had so many opinions about everything; she couldn't help but fall a little in love.

She hurried to her bedroom and pulled off her coat and boots. She'd take a quick hot shower and have a late breakfast or brunch. Then she'd take a little time to daydream.

Her eyes fell on a scrapbook she'd taken out several weeks ago and forgot to put away. She touched it and then shook her head. No, she wouldn't look at old memories that were best left in the past. There was no reason to remind herself of losing love on this day.

"I still miss you," she whispered. "I'll always love you, but I have to go on."

Her phone rang just as she pulled off her sweater. She looked at the caller id and smiled.

"Hello, Dr. Reid."

"Hi, I know we just said goodbye, but I got home and I realized I still want to talk to you. Is that okay?"

"It is more than okay, Spencer."

She dropped back on her bed and lay with her head on one fluffy pillow. She pulled the comforter around her body and tried to imagine she could feel Spencer next to her instead of just hearing his voice.

"Talk to me," she said.


	5. Secret Keeper

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Secret Keeper**_

_**The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart**_

_**St. Jerome **_

The jet touched down with a soft jolt and the scream of tires on pavement. Reid swept up his cards and put them away in his messenger bag.

"You owe me twenty-five pretzel sticks," he informed Blake.

"I'm good for it."

"Are you sure he didn't cheat?" Morgan asked.

"Hey," Reid protested. "I don't cheat."

"Of course you don't," Rossi said and Morgan laughed.

"Can we go home now?" Reid squeaked as the jet came to a stop.

"Why are you in such a hurry, pretty boy? Got a hot date?"

"It's Tuesday night."

"So what?"

Reid picked up his go bag. "I'd like to get some sleep. Did you know that sleep depravation could lead to brain damage? There was an article in -"

"Reid," Hotch interrupted sternly.

"Sorry sir."

"Nice distraction, Reid but it won't work."

"I just want to go home and go to bed, is that a crime?"

"Depends on who's there with you."

Reid almost stumbled down the stairs from the jet. "I live alone," he reminded Morgan irritably.

"I know; that's what I've been trying to remedy for the last ten years."

"I don't need help."

"Morgan, give it a rest," Hotch said. "I want to go home sometime tonight."

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Reid left his go bag and his messenger bag in his bedroom without unpacking. He hurried through changing into sleep pants and a tee shirt. His watch read nearly 10 pm and he frowned. It was getting late. His phone rang and he jumped.

"Hello," he said eagerly.

"Hi, Spencer."

"I thought I was supposed to call you."

"I just had a feeling you'd be home. It's not too late, is it?"

"No, I finished all my casework on the plane and so I'm home for the night."

"I'm glad. I missed you."

"Me too. The week in Spokane seemed like two weeks for some reason. I'm glad we were able talk on the phone. There were a couple of days I really needed the distraction.

"I'm glad to be of service. Still, I'm so glad you're back. I was worried about you."

"I'm okay, Hope."

"I'm sorry if I'm nagging, but the last three weeks have been so wonderful. I really like you, Spencer. I want to keep you around for awhile."

"I like you too, Hope, but this is what I am."

She was quiet for a long time. "I know… I just don't want anything to happen to you."

"Nothing is going to happen to me. If anyone should be concerned, it should be me, about you.

"Why?"

"Because nursing is a dangerous profession. Did you know that forty-five percent of all incidents of workplace violence in the USA, that result in lost workdays, occur in the health care sector? The incidence rate of injuries requiring days off work was 486 cases per 10,000 employees, over four times higher than the national average for all workers.

"Are you going to quote statistics at me every time we argue?"

"Yes," he said bluntly and she had to laugh.

"Alright, Mr. has a statistic for everything; I concede the point, for now, only because I got stuck with a needle three months ago when I was helping out in the ER. I had to get blood drawn for a Hepatitis screen."

"See," he said in the most irritating way. "Now tell me about work. How is everything?"

She sighed. "It's great. I love working with the kids, but it's hard sometimes."

"I admire you," he said as he lay back on the couch and crossed his legs. "It takes a lot of patience and great people skills to be a nurse, especially in the children's cancer ward."

"I just want to help people."

"That's all I want to do?"

"I just wish it didn't come with a gun and danger."

"I don't know what to say to make you believe that I'm okay."

"You don't have to say anything. It's my hang up. I'll worry about it. Can we just talk about something else?"

"If that's what you want."

"Good, because I tried out your idea in the ward today, and the kids loved it."

"I'm glad."

"Where did you find that game?"

He was quiet for so long, she said. "Spencer, are you still there?"

"Yeah, it was a game my mom and I used to play when I was little."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize -"

"It's okay. She's doing so much better; it's like a miracle in some ways."

"I'm glad. I'm happy you were comfortable enough to tell me about her."

"I didn't want to keep it a secret and have you think I didn't want you to know about her because I thought you wouldn't like it, or you'd think I was going to have a breakdown one day."

"That's not going to happen, and if by some remote possibility, it does, I want us to deal with it together."

He smiled so hard his mouth hurt. "Me too."

"Now, tell me about the latest book you've read."

"No, I want to hear more about the kids in your ward."

"Once you get me started, you'll never stop me."

"I'm okay with that."

"Now I know you're too good to be true."

"Why," he squeaked.

"Because nearly all the guys I know want to talk about themselves and their lives."

"Oh, well I have plenty of time for that."

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He put another folder on top of his teetering stack of outgoing files and sighed. His consults were nearly done, thank god. He stretched his hands over his head and stood up. He stretched again and heard his back crackle.

"If you're going for coffee, will you get me some?"

"Sure."

He took Blake's cup and hurried to the break room. She liked it black without any sugar or cream. He poured in his usual three teaspoons and stirred it together while his mind began to think about Hope and their conversation on the phone.

"Hey, Spence."

"Hi, JJ."

"You doing okay? You look a thousand miles away."

He kept his eyes on her face instead of looking down at his coffee cup because she'd be sure to read something into avoiding her gaze.

"I'm fine, just tired. I didn't sleep very well last night."

"Yeah, that case was brutal. I'm so sick of blood. I think I need a vacation."

"Me too," he said as his shoulders went down and his hand relaxed its grip on his coffee cup. He picked up Blake's cup and said. "Gotta go, Blake's waiting for this."

"Sure, see ya later."

He made his escape and thanked whatever it was that made her believe that he was just suffering from loss of sleep.

"Here," he handed Blake her cup.

"Thanks, Reid. I'm ducking out in about fifteen. My husband is coming in for the rest of the week, so I'm going shopping for something for dinner."

"Alex, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," she sipped at her coffee and looked expectantly at him.

He hesitated then said, "I have a note written by a killer in Miami. The detective there wants our opinion. Is it real or someone pretending to be the unsub? I thought you could look at it from a linguistic point of view."

"Of course, but you're just as qualified to give your opinion."

"I know, but I'd like a second opinion."

She met his eyes and he didn't look away through sheer force of will. "Alright, let's take a look at it."

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When he finally got on the train home, his hands were sweating. JJ thought he was hiding something, and he'd nearly asked advice from Blake about Hope.

_Why are you keeping her a secret?_

He should tell them about her. After all, keeping Maeve a secret had got her killed.

_It's not the same thing. Hope doesn't have a stalker._

He just wanted to have some privacy. Was that too much to ask? He looked out the window as the landscape flashed by. Spring was definitely there after all the heavy snow they'd had all winter. Everything was waking up from their sleep and soon the ground would be green with grass and the cherry blossoms would be out.

_I wonder if Hope likes cherry blossoms._

He didn't now. He didn't know many things about her. He shifted in his seat and took a book out of his messenger bag. It was better to read than to worry about how much his team might be profiling him.

He put the book aside after ten minutes and went back to watching the world go by. The sun shone brightly in the sky and it was nice to have blue skies but his mind kept wandering back to Hope.

She always smelled like lavender. Her eyes, blue green and huge in her oval face made him think of the ocean. Every time he talked to her, he could see the way her copper colored hair curled around her face and how much he wanted to touch it to see if it were as soft as it looked. She had the aspect of someone born out of their time, as if she belonged where chivalry was alive and well and the princess always wore a golden crown.

His phone beeped and he jolted. "Hello," he squeaked.

"Hey, pretty boy."

"What do you want, Morgan?"

"I wanted to know if you're busy this weekend."

"I don't want to go on another blind date."

"No, that's not why I called. I invited Hotch and Rossi over to help out with the new house I'm restoring. Want to come?"

"Just because I have a degree in Engineering, doesn't mean I'm good with a hammer."

"All of that's done. I thought we'd have a painting party. I asked the girls but they all have plans."

"I'll think about it."

"Just let me know, okay, kid."

"Alright. Goodbye, Morgan."

He pushed the end button on his phone and frowned. He was supposed to meet Hope for lunch on Saturday. She wanted to go to the movies, but maybe he could go early and paint then make some excuse to get out of there and meet up with Hope.

As if she knew, he was thinking about her, his phone rang again. He smiled at her number on the caller id.

"Hey, Spencer."

"Hi, Hope."

"Where are you?"

"I'm on the train."

"I'm still at work. I have to pull a double, we're shorthanded."

"Will you still be able to go out on Saturday?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

"Morgan called me. He wants to paint his new house. He asked me to help. I said yes, so I'm going over early and then I can make an excuse and meet you for lunch."

"Painting sounds like fun."

"Not really, I'm not good at that kind of stuff and -"

"So, why don't I join you?"

"But, you haven't met them and -"

"I want to meet your team."

"Are you sure it's not too fast for you?"

He watched more of the city go by and he hoped that she'd change her mind. It was too fast, wasn't it?

"I want to; unless there's some reason you don't want me too."

"It's too fast, right."

"I don't think so."

"I'll tell Morgan I'll be there and I'll tell -"

"Don't tell them just yet. I think we should surprise them."

"Okay," was the only thing he could say?

She ended the call with a "see you later," and he was left staring at it as if it might come alive and bite him. Just hours ago he couldn't bring himself to talk to Blake or JJ about Hope and now he was agreeing to surprise the guys with her that weekend. Oh boy, this might be a bad idea.


	6. Surprise

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Surprise**_

_**"The secret to humor is surprise."**_

_**Aristotle**_

Even though it was crisp and cold outside, the sunrise was beautiful. The edges of the sky were grey and light rose. A few wispy clouds hung overhead in the pewter sky as the sun pointed golden rays across the horizon.

He hitched his purple scarf around his neck and hunched his shoulders against the wind coming up from the south. He liked the wind in early spring. The smell of it, always reminded him of something pure and good.

He hurried up the walkway to Hope's apartment and rang the bell.

"Yes," she said.

"You always sound so official when you answer the bell," he answered.

"It's my way of maintaining control," she said cheekily. "Get up here."

He opened the door when it beeped. He passed a man in the lobby, dressed in grey sweat pants and a ripped tee shirt. He had a pair of ear buds in his ears and he completely ignored Reid. Thinking about running that early in the morning made Reid shudder.

The elevator didn't work so he walked up four flights of stairs to her apartment. She was standing at the landing when he got there. "Sorry, I couldn't wait. I'm hungry."

"Me too."

"I can't believe the super hasn't called in the elevator repair guys. It's been like three weeks."

"It's good exercise to take the stairs instead of the elevator," he observed as they hit the landing to the third floor.

"Are you always this annoying," she asked, then laughed when he gaped at her. "I'm just kidding. It's just irritating to be reminded that I should be working out every day when I barely get around to it three times a week."

"Actually, there was a study that concluded that short bursts of high intensity exercise for ten minutes a day is more likely to help you lose weight," he stopped at the landing to the first floor and went scarlet in the face. "Not that you need to lose weight. I think you're pretty just the way you are and I really like women with some curves, um I mean you have a nice bo - figure and -"

She threw her hand over his mouth and laughed like she hadn't laughed in weeks. "Oh, Spencer, you are a silver tongued devil."

When they finally made it to the car, he said. "I'm sorry if I said something to embarrass you."

"You didn't," she assured him. "I was very flattered. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

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"That was a great breakfast. I'm glad we decided on breakfast instead of lunch. I love a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon before a big job."

"Protein takes longer to breakdown than sugar or carbs," Reid began. "Our blood sugar will stay level instead of spiking and -" He stopped. "I'm sorry, I'm doing it again."

"It's okay. I really love the way you talk."

"You do,"

"Yeah. I also love your purple scarf. Where did you get it?"

Reid's phone rang and he rolled his eyes. "Hello, Morgan."

"Where are you, Reid? Everyone else is here. I want to get this done. The game's on at one."

"Alright, I'm on my way. Geez…"

He slapped his phone shut and noticed that Hope was smirking at him. "Are we in trouble?"

"Naw, that's just Morgan. I'm going to finish my coffee and my banana crepe, and then we'll go."

She picked up her cup of hot chocolate and clinked it against his coffee cup. "Agreed, you can't rush a great breakfast on a Saturday morning."

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"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Hope squeezed his hand tight. "Yeah. I want to meet the people most important in your life."

He nodded and opened the car door. "Let's go."

He'd seen the house when Morgan first bought it to restore. Now it looked like a completely different home. All of the windows were intact, and the brickwork was sparkling in the early spring sunlight. The door was a dark red and had a diamond shaped pane in the center. The porch was spotless except for a few discarded paint cans and a several two by fours.

"This looks great so far," Hope said. "I'd love a house like this."

"Yeah, it's pretty," Reid, said.

He knocked and the door opened ten seconds later by Morgan who carried a bottle of soda in one hand. He wore an old, faded pair of overalls, a light blue tee shirt and a cap on his head.

"Well, what have we here," he said to Hope.

"Morgan," Reid squeaked. "This is Hope."

"You can call me Derek."

He winked at her and she rolled her eyes. "Spencer's told me all about you," she said as they entered the house.

"Funny, he hasn't said anything about you, but I can see why he'd want to keep you a secret."

"Morgan," Reid said again. "I was going to tell you, but I -"

"What's going on? I thought we came here to paint a house."

Rossi came around the corner from the kitchen area. His eyebrows went up a little when Hope met his eyes.

"This is Hope," Morgan said.

"This is Agent David Rossi," Reid said as Hotch entered from another hallway. "And this is my boss, Agent Aaron Hotchner."

Hotch's scowl departed and his mouth turned up a little in a smile that surprised the hell out of Reid.

"Hello," she said and shook their hands in turn. "It was my idea to surprise everyone. I hope that's okay."

"Of course," Morgan said. "The more the merrier."

"You want a soda," Rossi asked. "We didn't bring beer because I can't drink alcohol and paint, not if you want it to look professional that is."

Reid didn't know what to say because Rossi and Hotch had soda and were wearing jeans and very old tee shirts.

"I think I'll pass on the soda," she said. "For now."

"Suit yourself."

"Why don't I show you where to start?"

Reid and Hope took off their coats. Hope raised one eyebrow at Reid in jeans and an old MIT tee shirt. This was even better than the seventies assistant professor look he usually sported.

"You can tell me how you met," Morgan was saying.

"Hm…"

"I said you can help me with the west wall in the master bedroom. I want to hear all about how you met."

"No," Reid said. "I'll help you."

"Why don't I paint in between you two? You look like you need someone to separate you."

Rossi and Hotch laughed while Morgan smirked and Reid decided to put an arm around Hope. "Sounds good to me."

"Ooo… Nice one, Reid."

"Can we get to work?"

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"So, you're telling me that it was like one of those movies where the guy runs into the girl and it's love at first sight," Morgan asked.

"No," Hope and Spencer said together."

"Hm, talking in stereo. I'd say that's a very good sign."

Hope reached over with her roller and swiped paint down Morgan from his shoulder to his hip.

"Hey," he cried and made to grab her.

She slipped around behind Reid who stood toe to toe with Morgan. "Get outta my way, pretty boy."

"No, you had it coming," Reid said.

"Alright, stop it," Hotch said. "You know, I thought we'd have a peaceful day of painting, which doesn't require much brain power and there you are bickering like kids."

"Sorry, Hotch," Reid and Morgan said together.

"Hey, you're talking in stereo, does that mean it's going well for you, too." Hope said very sweetly.

"I like this girl," Rossi said. "Keep her around, Reid."

"There's gonna be payback," Morgan said cheerfully.

"Morgan."

"Alright, truce," he extended his hand to Hope.

She shook it firmly. "Seriously, I'm so glad to meet all of you. Spencer talks about you all the time. I feel like I know you."

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything, guys," Reid began.

"It's alright," Morgan said. "We know what it's like to want something private. I'm just glad you found someone to make you happy."

Reid's face nearly split in two from smiling. "Thanks."

"Still, that means you and I are having a talk," Morgan said.

Reid rolled his eyes and Hope laughed. "He sounds like my cousin."

"He thinks he's my substitute older brother."

"Hey, I take that job very seriously."

"Hope," Hotch broke in. "What do you do?"

"I work as a nurse in the Children's Cancer Ward at UVA."

"That's a tough job," Rossi said and there was just moment of sadness in his dark eyes.

"It is, but I love it. There are so many strides in treatment for these types of cancers, that we don't lose nearly the numbers we did even five years ago. Still, I cry at least once a day. That's okay," she smiled up at Reid who stared at her with wounded eyes. "I couldn't imagine my life without the job."

"On that note, I say we take a break."

"Yeah, because I want to know more about this epic meeting between you two," Morgan waved his hand between them.

"Give it a rest," Hotch said and they all laughed.

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When Reid parked at Hope's apartment complex, she reached over and took one of his hands. "You've got paint in your hair," she laughed.

"You too," he said.

"It looks good on you."

They stared at each other for a minute. Her eyes were so beautiful, he felt like he might lose himself in them.

"You too," he whispered. "Thanks for coming along today."

"I'm glad I got to meet your friends. They care about you a lot."

"I'm lucky," he said.

She reached up and stroked one side of his face with her finger. "You got more paint on your face. I like jeans on you; by the way, you look great."

He went very pink in the cheeks. "Thanks," he said.

"I better go."

"Wait."

"What?"

He leaned over and kissed her very softly on the lips.

"Wow," she said, "that was nice."

"I, um, I wanted to do that for a couple of days. I wanted to know…"

"What if felt like," she said.

"Yeah."

"I'm glad because I've wanted you to kiss me for weeks."

"Even now that you know Morgan," he teased.

"Even now that I know Morgan," she said.

"Why don't you come upstairs? It's still chilly and I want more hot chocolate."

"If I can have coffee," he said.


	7. Stay With Me

_**Disclaimer: See my profile**_

_**Stay with Me**_

"_**There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out."**_

_**Lou Reed**_

He hummed as he combed back his hair from his face. It was a song he'd heard many times as a kid. It was one of his mother's favorites. He looked at his eyes in the mirror and then scrutinized his nose and then his ears. It appeared that the dark circles he'd had for weeks were going away.

"You better stop primping and get dressed," he told his reflection rather sternly. "What would Morgan say, or even Rossi?"

He pulled his toothbrush out of its holder and proceeded to clean his teeth vigorously.

His phone beeped and he cursed. He spit out toothpaste and hurried out to the living room.

"Reid."

"I'm sorry to call you in, but we have a missing child in Ohio."

He sighed inwardly. "Alright, Hotch. I'll be there as soon as I can."

He called Hope as he dressed. He was pulling a pair of brand new royal blue cords onto his left leg when she answered the phone.

"You have to go," Hope said.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry. I know we had plans, but -"

"It's okay. I guess it's kind of like dating a doctor."

"Have you dated many doctors?"

Reid's phone slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor. He nearly tripped chasing after it.

"…you there, Spencer."

"Sorry, I dropped my phone."

"I said, it's like dating a doctor."

"Have you dated many doctors?" He repeated.

"That was a bad joke, Spencer. I won't lie, I hate that you have to leave this time of night. Please be careful."

"I will."

"Where are you going?"

"Ohio. There's a missing child."

"Oh my God. What's wrong with people?"

He opened his mouth to give some kind of statistics, but instead he said. "I'm going to miss you."

"Me too, I can't really believe that it's been two months since we met."

"I'm glad I stopped in to that Starbucks for coffee. I was going to my favorite cafe, but I was in a hurry."

"I'm glad too. It was the luckiest day of my life."

"That's what I was going to say."

"I know you have to go. Will you call me when you get a minute?"

"Yeah, I'll call you."

"Bye, please be safe."

"You too."

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"May I join you?"

Reid looked up at Rossi, who held a couple cups of coffee in his hands.

"If one of those is for me."

Rossi put one of the steaming cups in front of Reid and sat down across from him.

"What are you thinking?"

"I was just thinking about little Kathy Simmons. Every time we get on the plane for a case, I always think about all the outcomes, and statistics. I try not to think that way, but I can't help it. I try to tell myself to think about the good side, but…"

He shrugged his shoulders and sipped at the heavenly smelling, sugary cup of coffee.

"Perfect," he said and Rossi grinned.

"If you think you're the only one that thinks that way, you're wrong. I think about the same things. It's always more difficult to think positive. I don't know what it is in our psyche that makes us focus on the negative, but we do. You're just like everyone else."

Reid only stared at him over the rim his coffee cup.

"I'll be that's something you don't hear every day."

"No."

"Why don't you focus on the fact that we saved that little girl and one more pedophile's in custody?"

"Yeah, I just wish I had that attitude going in."

"I can think of one way to get your mind off the case. Tell me about Hope. How is she?"

"She's great," Reid, answered enthusiastically.

"Good, think about her and you might find some peace."

"Want to play a game of poker, Rossi?"

"Hey," Morgan interrupted from the aisle. "Stop trying to find new victims, Reid."

"I'm not looking for new victims."

"Right, because you don't cheat."

"I don't," Reid squeaked.

"I think I'll try to get some sleep."

Morgan smirked at Rossi. "Smart man."

"Very funny, Morgan, go away."

"Ooo, Dr Reid, you're getting brave in your old age."

Reid finished the last of his coffee. He picked up his deck of cards and began to make them fly through his hands. He dealt out two hands so fast it was a blur.

"Go away," He repeated.

Morgan picked up one of the cards and grinned. "The Queen of Hearts. Is your subconscious trying to tell us something?"

Reid snatched the card out of Morgan's hand. "Please go away."

"That's all I wanted, Reid, a little politeness."

Reid narrowed his eyes at Morgan. "Are you going to leave me alone?"

"Sure thing, kid. Get some sleep. You look beat."

"Nice one," Rossi said.

Reid continued to shuffle his cards. He flipped over four random cards and they were all aces.

Rossi laughed and Reid grinned. "Are you sure you don't want to play?"

"Yeah, I think I'll pass."

Reid put the cards away and leaned his head back on the seat. He closed his eyes and Hope was there, smiling at him.

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Reid turned on the light in his kitchen. The yellow glow showed his coffee maker directly to his right. A plastic container of peanut butter sat between the toaster and a role of paper towels.

He was reaching for the coffee cup in the stainless steel sink when doorbell sounded. He looked at his watch and frowned. It was nearly ten pm.

"Hope?"

Her eyes were red and puffy, and she was trembling when he opened the door.

"Hi, I'm sorry to just barge in, but I needed to talk to you."

"What's wrong?"

He led her to his couch. She threw her arms around his middle when he sat next to her.

"One of the kids died today."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"I know I said it doesn't get to me, but I lied. You remember the little girl I told you about."

"The one you nicknamed, Goldilocks."

"Yeah, she had such beautiful blond hair before it started falling out because of the chemo. I thought she was doing better, but when I got in this morning, they said she passed away last night. I've been there when other children died, but Goldilocks was different. She was so brave and sweet. She said she wanted to be a pediatric oncologist when she grew up. She loved gymnastics and all the other kids loved her. They were so upset. It just isn't fair."

He stroked her head with his right hand. His left hand covered both her hands around his middle. "I'm so sorry, babe. I know how much she meant to you."

She pulled away from him and sat up. "Oh God, I can't believe how upset this made me. We see death on the ward all the time. I cry but I never let it get to me like this."

"I think you're the kindest, most empathetic woman I've ever met. It's what makes you a great nurse."

"I'm supposed to be able to divorce myself from my feelings in my job. If I can't then how can I cope."

He reached for her hand and began to massage the back of it with his fingers. "You've been doing this job for six years. You wouldn't have lasted if you didn't have some method of coping."

She reached for a box of Kleenex on the coffee table. "Yeah, I love my job, that's why I can't think of why this is hitting me so hard."

"I think you let her into your heart more than the other kids."

"But -"

He held up one hand. "Don't misunderstand, Hope. I'm not saying you play favorites, but there was something about that little girl that pulled you in. What is it?"

"I don't know. I wish I did."

He squeezed her hand as she snuggled back up to him. "Why don't we go to a movie this weekend?"

She laughed. "I think that's a great idea. Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Spencer."

"I just want you to be happy."

She moved again and stretched her arms up over her head. "I'm just so tired. I don't want to think about anything until tomorrow."

"Why don't you stay here, instead of driving home?"

"Spencer Reid," she grinned. "Just what are you proposing?"

"I just meant you can sleep in my room and I'll sleep on the couch."

"Too bad, you're awfully cute."

"Hope, I think -"

"I know," she patted his arm. "I'm just teasing. Thank you for your offer. I really don't feel like driving home."

"Good, I don't want you to drive home. I know it's only fifteen minutes away but you're obviously exhausted."

"Thanks."

She kissed his cheek. He pulled her back when she attempted to stand and kissed her lips.

"Hm… Now that was worth waiting for. Oh, I'm such a selfish you know what. I didn't even ask you about your case. Was it all right? Did you find that missing kid?"

"Why don't we get some sleep," he suggested. "We'll talk in the morning."


	8. Say Goodbye

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Say Goodbye**_

"_**Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."**_

_**Henry Van Dyke **_

_Soft music, drifted over him like the ghost of a melody. He walked through the doorway and the man was there, just as he expected. "Your table is ready, sir." _

"_Thank you." _

_She was there too, smiling at him as though he were the only person in the universe. Her lovely blue-green eyes held him like the embrace of a lover. "Hello…" _

_Her voice was smoky, and dreamlike, and it sent little shivers up his spine. He smiled back at her. "I missed you so much." _

"_Me too…" _

"_Dance with me," he held out his hand as the music changed and "Sleepwalk," began to play. _

"_I thought that was my line," she said. _

"_I decided to change the script a little, is that okay?" _

"_I'm not complaining." _

_She wrapped her arms around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes as they moved and breathed deep. "I can feel you." _

"_Of course you can. I'm here." _

"_This isn't real." _

"_It's as real as you want it to be." _

"_I'm not sure what I want anymore." _

_She pulled back and met his eyes. "I think you do know. It's time, babe. I'll always love you, you know that, right?"_

"_Yes, and I'll always love you, but -" _

"_There's someone else." _

"_Are you mad?" _

_She smiled sadly. "Of course not, Spencer. I want you to be happy. Hope makes you happy." _

_He stopped dancing. "You know her." _

"_Yeah, I've been watching out for you and she's perfect." _

"_She's not you." _

"_No, she's not me, but that's okay." _

"_Maeve, I wish -" _

_She put a finger to his lips. "Shh…babe, we can't change what happened. Stop blaming yourself, okay."_

"_It was my fault."_

"_Do you really want to argue about this now?"_

"_No, I guess not."_

_He pulled her back into his arms and began to dance again. He took in another big breath. "Hey, if this is just a dream or you're a ghost, why do you smell like coffee?"_

"_Open your eyes," she said softly. "Remember I love you, always." _

He opened his eyes and he was back in his apartment. He blinked in the grey light of the morning. A light burned to his right. He turned over and saw that Hope stood there with a cup of steaming of coffee in her hand. He blinked again, rubbed at his eyes and said. "Hope?"

"You were expecting someone else?"

"No, it's just that, oh never mind. Is that for me?"

She grinned down at him. "I thought that since you let me sleep in your very comfortable bed last night, and you were a perfect gentlemen, the least I could do is fix coffee for you."

"You were hurting. I wanted to help."

He sat up and stretched one hand up over his head. She sat next to him on the couch and watched him drink down half his cup in three swallows.

"Are you okay?"

She reached over and rubbed his arm. He covered it with his free hand and stilled the restless action that was making his scalp tingle.

"It's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

He got up and went to the kitchen. He stood with his back toward her and looked at the sink for a long moment. "I had a really vivid dream, just before the smell of this coffee woke me."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She was there watching him with her eyes that saw too much. He forced a smile onto his lips. "I don't want you take it the wrong way."

"Why don't you tell me what you're thinking and let me make up my own mind about whether or not I'll like what you have to say?"

He went back to the couch. "After Maeve died, I had the same dream every night. It was so painful; I stopped sleeping just to avoid what I saw."

"What did you see?"

"She was there and she asked me to dance with her. I didn't want to, so I avoided her, even though I wanted so badly just to see her one more time."

"You were afraid she wanted to say goodbye for good."

His Adams apple worked in his throat. "Yeah… Weird, huh, because dreams are a manifestation of our subconscious, so it wasn't her that wanted to say goodbye."

"You thought it was too soon to let her go."

He nodded and solitary tear tracked down his face. "Finally, after some advice from the friend, I went to sleep and she was there and we danced. It was so wonderful. I haven't had the dream until now. She said that she knows you and its okay that I'm starting to care for you."

Hope squeezed his hand tight. "I think she was there."

"But -"

"You can talk about manifestations of the subconscious and other psychobabble, but I think she was there and she wants you to be happy."

"That's what she said. She said she wasn't mad at me."

"Is that what you're afraid of, that she'd be mad at you?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

She put her head on his shoulder. "She's not angry with you, Spencer."

"I know that, I guess I had to hear it from her."

"I'm not mad, at you, by the way," she said.

He looked down at her and gave her a genuine smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Now, tell me about your case. You looked haunted when I got here last night." She smirked when he just stared at her. "What? You didn't think I noticed. I might've been upset, but I did see it in your beautiful eyes."

He sipped at the last of his coffee. "It ended fine, but it seems like we never get there fast enough to save all the victims."

"You saved this child," she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "That means something to her and to her family.

"I know, but we should -"

"Hey, you're only human, Spencer. As you said to me last night, you can't save everyone. I forgot that yesterday."

"It's not the same thing."

"It is; the only difference is that I fight diseases and you fight psychos. It's the same battle. We just have to know our human limits."

"I suppose…"

"Why don't I head home and get changed, then you pick me up in about three hours. There's a movie at The Globe that I'm dying to see."

"You like French movies."

"Oui, Dr. Reid."

"You speak French," he looked dumbfounded and she laughed.

"No, but I don't mind subtitles, if you don't mind."

"I can read twenty-thousand words per minute," he reminded her.

"Yes, I remember."

She lightly smacked him on the shoulder. "Thank you again for letting me stay here and for not trying to take advantage of my vulnerable state."

He went a little pink in the cheeks. "I know we've only known each other for a couple of months, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it before I went to sleep."

She pretended to gasp in shock. "Why, Dr Reid, what am I going to do with you?"

He waggled his eyebrows at her. "Well…"

"Oh, stop it." She smacked his arm again. "I guess I deserved that."

"I think you better go before I kiss you."

It was her turn to stare at him. "What if I said that was okay?"

He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. Her hands found his shoulders and he buried his hands in her coppery hair. The kiss turned hot and her mouth opened for his tongue. His heart began to race in his chest as her hands slid down and over his back to his waist. Then she pulled away and stood. "Um, I better go."

"Yeah," he said breathlessly. "I'm sorry, Hope."

"You're sorry," she said and giggled nervously. "I'm standing here trying not to jump you and you're sorry."

"Hope, I -"

"You don't have to say it. I think I better leave before I lose what's left of my self control."

"Yes," he said firmly. "Me too."

"I'll see you in a couple of hours," she said as she reached for her bag and keys.

"Yeah, I'll see you then."

He walked her to the door. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"Hey, you know I like this thing we have. Let's just take it one step at a time, okay?"

He nodded and let her out the door. "See you later."

He went back to the couch when she was gone, threw himself down and sighed up at the ceiling. "What are you doing? You barely know her. What if you scare her off?"

He sat up very suddenly because the thought of losing her was like a knife to his heart, and he suddenly knew he was in trouble. It was okay, though because for the first time in a long time, he felt like he could heal.

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Hope pulled a shoebox from under her bed and carried it to her living room. She sat down on the couch and opened the box. She drew in a deep breath and began to take out the stack of photos inside.

The first photo showed her beloved Jonathon in full dress uniform on the day he graduated from the police academy. She'd been so proud of him that day and a little scared, too. His dark hair was cut short, and his angular face tanned from the summer sun. His sharply creased pants and spotless shirt and tie fit him perfectly. The shine on his shoes and the white of his teeth made him seem like some actor in a Hollywood film.

She put it aside and went through several pictures of a trip they'd taken down to Disney World, and then pictures of family parties. Her hands began to shake when she found the photos they'd received for their wedding invitations just three days before Jonathon died. She stared at his face, his beautiful brown eyes that always looked at her with such love.

"I miss you, Johnny," she whispered, "but it's time to move on."

She put the pictures back in their box and took the box to her storage closet. She took the lid off a plastic storage bin and put the box inside. "Good-bye, my love. I'll always remember you."

She put the lid on the bin and closed the closet. Strangely, for the first time in months, she didn't feel like crying when thinking of him. All that was in her heart was the memory of a special man and a wonderful love that would always live in her memory.

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"Hey," she said after opening her door to Spencer. "Didn't we just see each other a couple of hours ago."

He grinned at her. "Are you complaining?"

"Absolutely not," she said and kissed him briefly on the lips.

"Good, because I missed you."

She wove her arm through his. "Let's get out of here. I'm excited to see the movie."

"Me too."

He stopped in the middle of her hallway and looked her over. "Are you sure you're alright?"

She winked at him. "I spent a few moments saying goodbye to some old memories."

"Oh, Jonathon?"

"Yeah… I feel that for the first time in a long time, everything is going to be okay."

He squeezed her hand. "I think you're right.

"Then let's go. We're going to be late."


	9. Confrontation on the Cancer Ward

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Confrontation on the Cancer Ward**_

"_**Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."**_

_**Mark Twain **_

"Hey, Hope, how was your weekend?"

Hope looked up from the chart she'd just noted to see her friend Jessica in burgundy scrubs and her chestnut colored hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her brown eyes were tired, but she smiled.

"It was great."

She slid the file into the stand and faced Jessica. "How was your weekend?"

"I had to work Saturday, but I have tomorrow thru Friday off."

"Right, I forgot…"

"No, you're just distracted by a certain FBI agent. A very hot FBI agent, according to you."

"Jessica…"

"It's okay. I'm glad you finally decided to go out with someone again."

"Me too. I guess I'm not used to talking about men."

Jessica wiggled her eyebrows. "I have no problem with that."

Hope swatted at her with a file that was lying on the counter. "No kidding, I didn't know that about you."

"Sarcasm doesn't become you, my friend."

Hope grabbed a pen and stuck it in her pocket. "I have to get to my rounds."

Jessica took the chair behind the desk and picked up a thick reference binder. "It's a good thing we're busy because I don't have time to interrogate you."

"Thank God for small favors."

"Ha ha… That's very funny."

"See you later for lunch?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then."

Thirty minutes later Hope hurried back down the hallway toward the nurses' station. Little Kevin in room 507 was extremely nauseated from his chemotherapy. She needed to get in touch with his doctor for something to help. She was picking up the phone at the nurses' station when the commotion broke out.

"I want to see my son!"

She looked up at the shouting to see an unfamiliar man hurrying down the halls. He was going in and out of rooms.

"God damn it, where's Jamie. I want to see my son."

"Sir, I need you to calm down," Jessica was saying as she almost ran to keep up with the large man.

His hair was unkempt, and his clothes were ragged and dirty. His face was lined and his dark eyes were full of anger and confusion.

"Jessica?"

"Call security," she hissed.

"No," the man rounded on her and shoved her so hard she flew back into the wall and crumpled to the floor.

"Hey," Hope yelled. "Sir, you need to leave."

She hurried toward Jessica. The man grabbed her arm and twisted so hard she screamed in pain. "You tell me where Jamie is or I'll kill you all."

He let her go and she stumbled to the floor. She tried to get up but her ankle buckled and she fell again. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a very large Bowie knife, and brandished it.

A resident, wearing a white coat and green scrubs rounded the corner to their hallway. "Get security," Hope screamed.

The resident turned on her heel and hurried back around the corner. Two aides backed away and opened a door to one of the staff break rooms.

Hope tried to edge over to Jessica, but the man stepped between them. She gagged at the smell of body odor and rancid garbage that accompanied him. His teeth were broken and his eyes bloodshot.

"Where's my son?"

"Sir, I don't know what -"

"Don't say you don't know. My son is here and I want to see him now, or so help me God I'll gut you like a fish."

She held out her hands to him. "Sir, please just calm down. I'm sure we can work it out if you just talk -'

Over the intercom, a voice repeated "Code Zero, 5th floor, C wing."

"Shut up, bitch. Tell me where my son is, or I'll kill you." The man screamed down at her.

Two security guards ran around the corner, with their guns in hand. "Sir, drop the knife, now."

"I want to see my son. You said he's dead but I know he's here somewhere."

Tears began to trace down his face and his hands shook.

Hope pushed up from the wall and stood. She cried out and nearly fell, but stayed up. She held out another hand to the man. "Sir, what's your name?"

"I want to see my son. He's only five."

The man grabbed her again and held the knife to her throat. "You're hiding him from me again. It's my wife. That bitch told you I wanted to hurt my son. Why would I want to hurt him?

"Sir, put down the knife," ordered one of the security guards.

"I'll kill you!" He screamed when she tried to jerk away.

Tears began to course down her cheeks. Her heart beat so fast in her chest it hurt. His arm around her shoulders and chest was like an iron vice. Maybe it was the panic, but she suddenly thought of something that Spencer told her once when she asked him about his work.

"_Gideon told me that I needed to play into the unsub's delusion." _

"_You mean, like pretending you agree with them." _

"_It's something like that. Sometimes we pretend we sympathize with a killer or that we're on their side." _

"_That must suck." _

_He laughed a little. "Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't," he said and his eyes were sad. "It didn't work with Maeve." _

"_I'm sorry; I didn't mean to bring up bad memories." _

_He rubbed at his eyes with both hands. "It's okay. It doesn't hurt like it did." _

All of this flashed through her mind in an instant. "What's your son's name?"

The man tightened his grip on her and she felt the sharp edge of the knife biting into her neck, but she fought not to flinch.

"Jamie, Jamie Ridgley. He has leukemia."

"Oh, I know Jamie. He's such a sweet little boy. I'll bet he really wants to see his dad.

The guards were shaking their heads at her, but she ignored them. Then one of them got a call on his radio. They spoke to each other and one of them backed away down the hall.

"Where's he going," the man holding Hope, screamed.

"Um, Jamie's down in radiology for some tests. He's going down to make sure he's okay."

"I want to see him. Now!"

"I know," she said. "They told us not to let you see him, but I can see you just want to keep him safe. If you let me go, I can show you where he is."

"You're lying to me!"

The one security guard was still there. She saw the guard look over her shoulder as if his attention was captured by something else.

"I swear I'm not lying. If you let me go, I can call down to radiology and have the other guard bring him back to his room. Please just let me go."

His arm loosened .around her throat and the knife dropped just a little. The guard looked right at her.

"I promise I'll take you to him," she said again.

His arm loosened and the knife dropped again. She rammed her elbow into his gut just as he seemed to be pulled away from her by an unseen force. One hand grabbed at her, but she spun away and fell screaming to the floor when her ankle gave out. She rolled to right and looked up to see more guards wrestling the man away from her. His knife clattered to the floor. She kicked out with a leg and sent it spinning away.

"Let go of me," the man screamed. "I want to see my son. Get your fucking hands off me." I'll kill you all."

He continued to try to throw them off as they hauled him off down the hallway. Two police officers hurried off the elevator and jumped into the fray. They put handcuffs on the man and led him off. He was sobbing like a little lost boy and calling for his son.

One of the doctors hurried over to Jessica who was awake and rubbed at the back of her head, she tried to get up, but screamed in pain when the doctor took her arm. "Damn it, I think it's broken."

"How's your head."

"It hurts," Jessica snapped.

Relief coursed through Hope as the doctor helped Jessica to her feet. "Just goes to prove what I've always said, you've got a hard head."

"Very funny."

Hope began to get up, but fell back in her chair with a scream."

"You okay," said the doctor.

"No, I think my ankle's sprained."

"Let's get both of you into an exam room."

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Reid adjusted his tie and straightened his sweater. He ran his hands through his hair and knocked on Hope's door. She didn't answer, so he knocked again and began to wonder if he got the date wrong. He'd forgotten to call first and so maybe she wasn't home. He knocked again and heard her call. "Alright, I'm coming."

He smiled at the voice even though she sounded a bit breathless and very annoyed. The door opened and he stopped smiling. She was standing, or rather leaning on a pair of crutches and there was something on her neck.

"Hope. What happened?"

"Come on in."

She hobbled back from the door and headed for the living room.

"Hope, what happened?" He demanded as he dropped his messenger bag on the floor near the door. He pushed the door shut and followed her to the sofa.

"Please don't be upset, Spencer."

"Telling me not to be upset scares me," he said evenly. "What happened to you?"

"I didn't want to tell you on the phone. You were on a case and I didn't want to freak you out."

He made his hands stay still in his lap as he sat next to her. He moved the crutches to one side and picked up her hand. "Please tell me what's going on. Did you have an accident? Tell me."

"There was an incident at the hospital today. A man came into the ward. He wanted to see his son. He had a knife. He was unstable."

"Wait," Spencer grabbed her. He reached out a trembling hand and touched the tiny shallow cuts on her skin. "He did this."

"Spencer, I'm fine I -"

He got to his feet and began to pace the room. "You should have told me, Hope. How could you just pretend everything was okay?" He shouted.

"Spencer, please don't yell at me."

"You should have told me when I called you this afternoon. Instead, you just said you were all right. Why?"

Her eyes flashed up at him. "I'm alright Spencer. I didn't want to worry you."

"You don't get it," he snapped. "I was just starting to really care about you and you do this."

"I know, that's why I didn't tell you. I knew you'd freak out."

He rounded on her. "You don't get to leave me out of the loop because you're afraid of scaring me."

"Spencer, you're acting irrational."

"Since when did caring about someone become a crime."

Hope reached for her crutches and struggle to her feet. "I'm not Maeve," she said very calmly and he flinched.

"Don't bring her into this," he said with a dangerous spark in his eyes.

"I didn't bring her into this," she said. "You did."

"I never said her name."

"No, but your reaction speaks volumes."

"So I can't be concerned for you."

"Yes, of course you can, but I don't need you to treat me like I committed some huge sin by not calling you the minute they put the guy in handcuffs."

"Hope."

"No, if you can't be rational about this, then I think you should leave."

"You'd like that, but I'm not going to leave until you tell me what happened. All of it and don't leave anything out."

"Fine, I'll tell you everything."

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He brought her a cup of tea half an hour later and put in on the coffee table. "You tried to talk this guy down," he said.

"You don't have to sound so disbelieving. You're the one that told me about your job and how you have to play into their fantasies. I just tried to do the same thing. I guess it kind of worked."

"Wow, I'm really proud of you."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're proud of me. I thought you were pissed off at me."

"I am, I mean I was angry with you, but now I'm not," he said rather lamely.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I talked to you on the phone. I really didn't want to upset you."

"It's okay. I guess I just have to get used to having a girlfriend with a dangerous job."

"Ha, ha," she smacked his arm. "I don't have a dangerous job. What happened today was an anomaly. It's not going to happen again."

"The odds of something like that happening again are -"

She reached over and kissed him until he forgot about calculating the odds of another violent incident at her work.

"That was really nice," he said when she released his lips. "This has been the best two months of my life. Thank you for helping me to feel alive again."

"You're welcome. I really am sorry I didn't tell you right away. I didn't want to upset you."

"You can't worry about hurting me," Reid said as he reached over and clasped her hand. "One thing I learned from what happened with Maeve is that you can't worry about hurting the other person in a relationship. She didn't want me to get hurt and I respected that. If I'd just gone against what she wanted, I might have found Dianne before she could hurt Maeve."

"You couldn't have known."

He smiled at her because there were tears in her eyes. "No, I couldn't have known, but I should have done whatever I could to protect her. She might have been mad at me but at least she would still be alive."

"I don't know what to say to that."

He suddenly realized that Hope was crying. "What's wrong?"

"You still love her."

"Yes, I do but -"

"Maybe you should leave."

She struggled to her feet and hobbled toward the door. "Just leave."

A light went on in his head. "Hope, that's not what I meant."

"Oh really, what did you mean?"

"I meant that I love her, but not the way I used to."

"Are you sure, because that's not what I see in your face."

"Hope, please just listen to me."

She leaned on her crutches and looked at the floor. He went to her and tried to lift her chin with his hand. "I don't know why I'm acting this way."

"Sometimes when a traumatic event happens to us, we strike out at the people we care about. Believe me I know," he said.

"I don't want to hear pop psychology, Dr. Reid."

"Look, I'll leave, if that's what you really want. I'll never see you again if that's what you want."

"No," she reached out and one of her crutches fell to the floor with a crash. She stumbled and he caught her clumsily. "No," she said again.

The stared at each other for a long time as the frantic beating of his heart began to slow. He kissed her softly. She held onto him as he guided her back to the couch. "I'm sorry," she said and began to sob. "You must hate me."

"No, I don't hate you, Hope. I like you very much."

"I like you too."

He sat and put an arm around her shoulders. "Why don't we just stay here? I'm going to call for some take out and we can just hang out here together."

"Are you sure? I guess we should talk."

He put a finger to her lips. "We'll talk about everything later. Right now, I just want to take care of you."


	10. The Comfort of Conversation

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**The Comfort of Conversation**_

"_**Words are capable of making experience more vivid, and also of organizing it. They can scare us, and they can comfort us." **_

_**Johnathan Sfran Foer**_

Reid closed a case file and sat back in his chair. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes.

"You okay?" Blake asked.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired. I was out late last night."

She raised her eyebrows and dropped her pen. "Anything you want to talk about?"

He smiled even though his eyes burned like someone had thrown sand in them.

"Six months ago, I would have said no, but now I guess I feel more stable."

She nodded. "You're stronger than most people think."

"Thanks, but I think I really messed up last night."

"What happened?"

"I told you about Hope."

"Yes."

"She got hurt at work yesterday."

"Oh God, what happened to her?"

He took a sip of lukewarm coffee and grimaced. "A man came onto her floor looking for his son. He was confused and belligerent. He got violent and she was hurt. Another nurse was injured before Hope talked him down."

Blake grinned at him. "She talked him down."

"Yeah," he said and pride made him warm.

"That's great."

"Yeah, they took him alive. His son was a patient at the hospital. He had leukemia and he passed away five years ago."

"Sounds like the guy couldn't move on."

Reid looked down at his cup of coffee. "I know how he feels; or rather I know how he felt."

Blake narrowed her eyes. "What else is going on?"

"I feel like a jerk."

"Why?"

"I went to see Hope. We had a dinner date and that's when I saw her on crutches. She has a sprained ankle."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, and I made it worse."

"Oh, I sense a foot in mouth situation."

"A bit," he admitted. "She knows I still love Maeve."

"I see."

"I don't love Maeve like I did when she was alive. It's different. She'll always be special to me, but I really like Hope. Does that make me a bad person?"

"Of course not, Reid. Hope knows where your true feelings lie. She was probably upset because of the injury."

"Yeah, I told her that was it."

Blake laughed and picked up her coffee cup. "Oh, Reid, you never cease to make me laugh at the oddest times."

"What?"

"Blake, Reid, we have a case," Hotch said from the elevated walkway.

"Let's go," Blake said and grabbed her tablet.

"What did you mean?" Reid asked.

"Come on, Reid. We have a case. We'll talk later."

He glared at her and she winked at him. He knew it wasn't any use to complain, though.

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Reid pulled out his cell and pushed the speed dial for Hope. "Hey," he said when she answered.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry to do this, but I have a case in Montana. I'm leaving in half an hour and I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, the painkillers are great."

"Hope, you know what I mean."

"I'm not mad at you, Spencer."

"I can hear in your voice that isn't true."

"Are you profiling me?" She asked very calmly.

"No, I can just hear it in your voice. I don't know what else I can do or say."

"Babe," she began. "I'm not angry at you."

"Hope."

"Alright, maybe a little, but I understand what you said last night, more than you know."

He sighed. "Look, I have to go. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and I really do care for you, Hope."

"Me too," she said, and he could hear tears in her voice

"Please don't cry."

"I can't help it. You're so sweet and I keep messing up."

"No, you don't, I'm the one that stuck my foot in my mouth."

"Reid," Hotch called to him from the hallway.

"I really have to go," Reid said.

"Please be careful," she said. "I want to finish our conversation."

"Yeah, me too, bye."

He clicked off his cell and went to meet Hotch who stood in the hallway. "Talking to Hope," he asked kindly.

"Yeah, I'm trying to fix a mess I made with her."

Hotch's dark eyes pinned him, but he said in the same quiet tone. "Don't let this job keep you from the things you need to say."

Reid shook his head. "I won't, sir, and thanks."

"Now, before we go out to the jet, please go see Garcia. She's working on a few addresses for me and I need you to get a jump on a geographic profile."

"Yes, sir."

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Of all the hotels he'd stayed in, this was one of the most interesting, décor wise, he'd seen. In Alaska, it'd been all wood and heavy furniture with a dark color scheme. It was much the same in Butte, Montana, but his room also had a table made out of split logs instead of metal, and it had its own coffee maker, which was fine by him.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, which had a quilt made from different shades of deep purple and blues. It was very soothing to look at and he wanted to crawl inside. First, he needed a shower and then he needed to talk to Hope.

He was towel drying his hair when his phone rang. He picked it up and saw to his delight that it was Hope's number. "Hey," he said, as he dropped the towel and crawled into the most comfortable hotel bed he'd ever known. "Oh," he sighed and Hope laughed.

"What's up?"

"Great hotel bed."

"Did I wake you," she demanded.

"No, I was just in the shower. We quit for the night about two hours ago. I didn't know if you'd be awake."

"I can't sleep."

He pushed the pillow behind his head and sat up. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"Hope."

"I don't want to add to your stress."

"You add to my stress when you don't tell me what's wrong," he countered.

He turned out the light and sat in the darkness broken only by a little slivery moonlight that seeped in around the curtains over the window. The light cast shadows black and white on the floor and in the distance; he heard a car drive by. It was almost eerily quiet.

"I had a nightmare."

"Twenty percent of adults suffer from persistent bad dreams called night terrors. Studies show that - oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to start lecturing you."

"It's alright," she said and there was a bit of a smile in her voice. "I know you find comfort in facts and statistics."

"Yeah, but this is about you, not me," he pointed out.

"Hey, you're right," she said and he laughed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was what happened at the hospital only this time he killed my friend."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone."

"It helps talking to you."

He pulled the comforter up over his shoulders because the air was just a little chilly. "I'm glad. I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy," she said. "I bless the day I met you."

"Me too, you helped me to get on with my life. I didn't think that was possible a year ago."

"I know what you mean."

They were quiet for another minute. A passing car changed the quality of light in his room from silver to orange and back again. It was quite once more when Hope spoke.

"Spencer."

"Hmm…"

"Is it okay for me to pretend you're here, holding me tight in your arms?"

His face got hot and he was glad it was dark and he was alone. "Yeah, I guess, I mean, yeah, I'd like that very much."

"Good… I think I'm going to try to go to sleep and pretend you're here to keep the nightmares away."

"Goodnight, Hope."

"Night, Spencer."


	11. Third Base

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Third Base **_

"_**I would rather trust a women's instinct, than a man's reason."**_

_**Stanley Baldwin **_

Reid took one of the silver and grey sling back chairs in the hospital lobby and unzipped his messenger bag. He pulled out a new book and began to read. He glanced up after about three minutes and looked at the far wall. Someone had added an indoor waterfall to the décor. He supposed it was supposed to be soothing, just like the grand piano that stood roped off in one corner. He couldn't understand why someone donated a piano to a hospital, especially when no one played it.

He picked up his book and began to read again, or he tried to read. He couldn't make his brain engage in the story. He was too nervous to see Hope again.

He looked up in the direction of the elevator as it pinged that someone had arrived on the main floor. The doors opened, but it was a young woman with a baby carrier slung over one arm. She looked his way, but it was the look of someone that wasn't concentrating on anything but their own problems.

Another man walked up to the doors from the outside and passed the young woman on her way out of the hospital. He walked directly past Reid and straight down the hall that led to the financial offices of the hospital. He had the look of someone that had something very important to say to someone.

The elevator opened again and Reid shot up out of his seat. It was Hope, but she wasn't alone. Another young woman left the elevator with her and they were laughing and talking.

"…seriously thought his head was going to explode."

"I can't believe you said that to him. No, wait, I can believe it."

"You know me too well," said the second woman.

They giggled like a couple of schoolgirls. They were halfway to the door when he realized they hadn't seen him.

"Hope," he called out.

She turned and a delighted smile lit up her face. "Spencer, what are you doing here?"

"I - ah wanted to surprise you."

The woman with her smirked at him. "So this is Spencer."

"Ah, yeah, ah - this is Jessica, my friend. She works on my ward."

Reid waved at the tall brunette. She was very curvy and her eyes were chocolate brown and full of light. She winked at him and her full lips curved up into a smile.

"Oh right, Hope talks about you." He noticed the cast on her arm. "How's your arm?"

"It's better, just a closed facture of my radius."

"That's good. I mean it's not good but -"

"I know what you mean. I'm just glad Hope listened when you talk shop because she talked that guy down in no time flat."

"Can we talk about something else?" 

Jessica shifted her bag on her good arm. "You two talk all you want," she jabbed Hope in the side with her good elbow. "You don't need me for a chaperone."

"Jessica!"

"I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun, but not too much fun."

"Jessica!"

She grinned at Reid who felt his face getting very hot. "It's nice to meet you."

"I'm sorry," Hope said when Jessica left by the sliding glass doors.

"It's okay. I just wanted to surprise you. Sorry," he said.

"Why are you apologizing? I'm so glad you're here."

"I see the doctor took away your crutches."

She grinned at him and took his arm. "Yeah, and I want to celebrate."

He led her to the door, "After you, my lady."

She laughed and it was the most delightful sound in the world to him. "Where do you want to go?"

"I want to go back to the place we met."

He glanced over at her with questioning eyes. "You want to go to Starbucks."

"Yeah. It's been two months and my ankle is fully healed."

"I don't understand."

He stopped with her at the curb to look for traffic in the parking lot before they headed to her car.

"You saved my life."

They crossed the driveway that circled the hospital parking lot after two cars passed. "I didn't save your life."

"Yes, you did," she argued. "If not for you, I wouldn't have known what to say to that guy in the ward. He might have done more than push me down or break Jessica's arm. He might have killed someone."

He reached out and wiped a tear that tracked down her cheek. "Alright, we'll go to Starbucks."

She laughed and put her arms around his neck. "Thank you."

He smiled down at her. "You're welcome."

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"Are you sure this is where you want to celebrate?"

Hope picked out a table in one corner of the coffee shop and gestured to Reid. "Yeah, this is where we met, so I'm good. Besides, they have great coffee."

"I can't argue with that," he said happily.

She snorted as he sat and he raised an eyebrow. "Did you just snort, Ms Charles?"

She grinned at him. "What of if, Dr. Reid?"

"Nothing," he said primly and she laughed.

They sat and sipped at their coffee in a very comfortable silence. He marveled again at her copper hair and her sea blue eyes. Her face starred in his dreams now, instead of Maeve, but he finally realized it was okay.

"What are you staring at?"

He felt his face get warm. "You're so beautiful."

She flushed red in the cheeks. "You're not so bad yourself, Spencer. Thank you, you're great for my ego."

"It's true. I can't believe it's been two months since we met."

A young woman with a baby in stroller passed them and sat at the table across the way from them. She ignored them as her baby fussed a bit. She picked up the child and began to pat it on the back.

"It seems like it was just yesterday, in some ways," Hope said.

The door to the shop opened and two young men in tee shirts and blue jeans entered. They went straight to the counter as another man entered behind them.

"Looks like it's getting busy," Hope said.

"Do you want to leave?"

She sat back and sipped at her coffee. "No, I want to stay here for awhile and just talk."

"Me, too."

"What do you want to talk about?"

He thought and shrugged. "Strangely, I can't think of anything worth chatting about right now."

She smirked. "I have the same problem," she said.

He took another sip of coffee as more people entered the shop. They didn't move or speak for a long time, and they didn't notice that other people saw how they just sat and looked at each other. They didn't see that most of the other customers envied the obvious love they radiated.

"Hope," he said.

"Yes."

"Let's get out of here."

"Okay."

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He sat on her sofa and she lay stretched out with her feet in his lap. He massaged one of her feet and it was heaven.

"Are you sure I'm not hurting your ankle?"

"If you stop, I will kill you."

His eyebrows went up. "Well, then I guess I'd better continue. Did you know that stimulating the proper nerves in the feet, can aide many bodily functions and -"

"I don't care, Spencer, just keep doing what you're doing."

He smiled at her and returned his attention to the foot massage. Her television was on and a rerun of Star Trek on the SYFY Channel played on the screen.

"Do you really like this?"

"Hmm…"

"Star Trek."

He switched from her left foot to her right foot. "Yeah, it's not completely scientifically accurate for the time period, but I like it."

She pursed her lips. "I like "The Next Generation," better."

He stopped massaging her foot and she glared at him. He didn't notice. "Why?"

"Well, for one thing, there's Data."

"You like Data," he squeaked.

"There's something to be said for smart guys."

"He's not a guy."

"You're splitting hairs, Spencer. I like smart men."

He began massaging her foot again so he didn't have to look her in the eyes. "You do," he squeaked again.

"Yeah, I do."

She pulled her foot out of his hands and slid over to him. "I like quirky men with big brains."

The way she said big brains made his spine tingle. She lifted one eyebrow and reached out for his face. "I don't need a fictional character when I have you."

"Hope, I -"

She put a hand over his mouth then replaced it with her lips. His mouth opened as her lips parted. Her tongue tasted like coffee and she smelled like the hospital, which was an odd turn on. He let his hands go to her hair and it was as soft as he imagined. Tingles took up residence in his gut as his hand moved down and began to unbutton her white blouse.

She lifted his shirt over his head and threw it to the floor. He didn't know how, but suddenly he was on his back and she was kissing his collarbone. Her tongue danced across his chest to one exposed nipple and he gasped. He was rock hard under her. She sat up and rocked her hips into his groin. His hands found her breasts and she sighed.

Her fingers went his zipper, and suddenly the haze of lust in his head gave way to something else. "Stop," he said breathlessly.

"What?"

"Hope, I can't do this."

She sat up and he couldn't take his eyes off her chest. Her nipples were as hard as his dick. God, he wanted her.

"Its Maeve," she said and she crossed her arms over his breasts.

"No, it's just that, well, I've never - oh god, my relationship with Maeve wasn't physical. We never had the chance for it to go that far. I never, damn it," he cursed. "I'm a virgin, Hope."

"Oh," she went pink in the cheeks. "Well," she let her arms fall to her sides.

"Well, what?"

She put her hands on his bare shoulders. "Just lay back for a minute." She slid up and down his torso. The pressure again his hard length sent chills up his back.

"Hope."

"Shh…"

She rocked against him, going up and down like a sinuous snake. "Hope," he panted.

"What?"

"Don't stop."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

She lowered his zipper and he let her pull off his pants and boxers. "Just relax."

He closed his eyes and let her hands and mouth make his brain go blissfully blank.

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"Hey," she said later. "What are you thinking?" He smirked at her and she smacked his bare shoulder. "Watch it, mister."

"I was thinking that I don't understand what all the fuss is about. Morgan makes intercourse seem like the end all."

"Babe, that wasn't sex that was my version of third base."

He sniggered. "I know, I just don't get it. It was very nice, and you've got a great mouth, but -"

"Spencer," she said warningly.

"Don't be mad," he shifted and held her tight. "I just mean that I never realized the trust involved."

"Oh," she sat up and looked at his beautiful eyes. "I think I know what you mean. Johnny and I - well I don't know if I should talk about him."

"I'm not jealous," Reid said.

"Spencer."

"Alright, perhaps a little. You have experience and I don't, I envy that. I feel like sometimes, I'll never be ready to -"

He went red and wouldn't look at her in the eye.

"You'll never be ready for a home run," she said wickedly.

"Hope."

"I'm sorry," she stroked his hair. "I promise not to make fun."

"I care about you, Hope. I really do."

"I understand." She hugged him around the waist. "I care about you too."

He sat for a while and then he pulled her off his lap and pushed her over on her back. "Tell me what to do."

She furrowed her brow. "What are you talking about?"

"Show me what to do to make you feel as good as you made me feel."

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do."

She covered one of his hands with her right hand and lowered it to her zipper. "If that's what you want."

He nodded and she smiled. "Well, I can't wait."

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"Was that okay?"

She was so relaxed; she couldn't have stood up if it meant escaping a burning building. "Oh yeah. Most men don't take directions in the bedroom very well."

"I find it helpful to have instructions," he laughed.

She smacked him again. "Spencer Reid."

"Sorry, it's just that it was helpful and I think it was successful."

"You think," she purred. "It was wonderful. I can't wait for the next level."

He sat up and pulled on his shirt. "Me too, but I think that's going to take a little while. Are you okay with that?"

She nodded. "I think I need some Indian food."

His eyes lit up. "You never told me you like Indian cuisine."

"There are many things you don't know about me," she said airily.

"I'm glad; I can't wait to find out."

She pulled him to his feet and handed him his pants. "Then lead on Dr. Reid. I'm starved. 


	12. Steak Profiling

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Steak Profiling**_

"_**Let us be grateful to the people that make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." **_

_**Marcel Proust**_

Garcia hurried along the hallway to her office with a large box in her hands and her bag over her shoulders. Her blue skirt with yellow and red geometric patterns swished as she walked. Her face was set in determined lines and she frowned.

"Hey, baby girl."

"Not now, Derek, I'm busy."

"I just wanted to say good morning."

She stopped and pushed the box into his hands. "Make it fast, chocolate thunder. I'm on a mission."

"I can see that. What's so important about this?" He held up the box.

"Come on," she hissed.

He followed her to her office and shut the door. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"You've met Hope, right?"

Morgan leaned against Garcia's desk and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah, I met her a while back. She's beautiful, smart, and she didn't take any crap from me."

Garcia finally smiled. "Oh, poor baby."

He laughed. "I take that as a compliment, mama. She seems to make him happy."

"Yeah I haven't seen him this happy since Maeve was alive. She must be special."

"I just wish we could have known Maeve," Morgan said.

"That's sort of what I was thinking about."

"What do you mean?"

Garcia opened the box. "I was thinking about me, Blake and JJ getting together with Hope for lunch or something."

Morgan helped her take out several reams of computer paper and stack them near her desk. "Why are you asking me instead of Reid?"

She twisted her hands together. "I was hoping you could give me some advice. I don't want to make him mad."

"I think if you don't ask him before you make plans, he will be upset with you."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"You need to talk to Reid. Just ask him if he thinks she's ready to meet you."

"I don't know what to say."

"Since when," Morgan asked. "You've always been able to talk to him, baby girl. Just like you're always been able to talk to me or any of us on the team. You're the light in our lives, Penelope."

"Of course I am," she said and the gleam was back in her eyes.

"Now that's what I wanted to see, my goddess."

She grinned. "Now, I've got work to do on a new manual I'm writing for the FBI. They asked me to create a new code breaking program."

"I wondered what all the paper is for."

"Get out of here," she said cheerfully. "I'm busy."

"Alright, my tech goddess. I'll leave you to your work."

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Reid poured out the last of the coffee in the urn and added three teaspoons of sugar. He sipped it, sighed and turned around.

Garcia stood in the entryway to the break room looking at him like she had something very important to say, but couldn't decide how to begin.

"Hey, Garcia," he said and saluted her with his cup of coffee.

"Hi," she squeaked then cleared her throat. The blue flower she wore in her wavy blond hair seemed to droop at her ear and she was twisting her hands.

"What's wrong?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

He felt relief like adrenaline in his blood when she finally smiled, even if it didn't reach her eyes.

"What is it?"

"I was thinking about getting a lunch together with JJ and Alex. I wanted to know if you think that Hope would like to go."

She said if very fast, and he was taken aback.

"Um, I don't know. I guess she'd like it. I'd have to ask her."

"I don't want to overstep or make you think I'm meddling in your life, because that's not what I want to do."

"I know that," he said and she finally relaxed on her heels.

"Good, because you're one of my best friends and I care about you. I want to meet the person that makes you so happy, but only if you're comfortable with it."

He put his coffee cup on the counter. "I'll admit that everyone knowing about her is a little disconcerting. Still, she was the one that wanted to go painting with me at Morgan's house to meet the guys. She has said that she wants to meet the girls, but it was up to me to decide when."

"What do you think?"

"I'll call her," he said and he smiled. "Just promise you won't gossip about me."

Garcia winked at him. "That's awfully self absorbed, don't you think?"

He laughed. "Alright, point taken."

"Don't worry, we won't ask her any impertinent questions about you."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm supposed to believe that."

"No, but I'm sure you'll find something to read or some new pursuit to take your mind off what we might discuss."

"I think I'll just pretend we didn't have this part of the conversation."

"Denial is good," Garcia, quipped. "Now, I have that list of names you wanted."

"I'm not sure I can concentrate now."

"You'll be fine," she patted him on the shoulder "Come on, time to get back to work."

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Hope opened the oven and removed a tray of roasted potatoes with rosemary, to go with her famous grilled steak. The smell was enough to coax a political prisoner from a hunger strike, Reid thought as he watched her pile them on a serving plate.

"That smells wonderful."

"Thanks, I love to cook but don't often get the chance. Since you have the night off, I thought I'd make my specialty."

She covered the potatoes, lifted a plate of seasoned steak, and added one of them to the grill plate she'd heated on the stove.

"I love the sound of steaks on the grill," she said and winked at him.

"It always reminds me of a heavy rain storm."

She raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, I guess it does. How do you want yours cooked?"

"Medium well," he said promptly.

"Hm, interesting choice."

"Why?"

"I just think you can tell a lot about man by how he orders his steak."

Reid sat down at the kitchen table and leaned back. "Please, tell me your theory on steak profiling."

"Ha, very funny."

She brushed on a marinade, she'd made before Reid had arrived. She refused to disclose the secret ingredient.

"Pray, enlighten me," Reid probed.

"Not if you're going to tease me."

"I'm sorry," he said. "Please go on."

"I don't think you're serious about not teasing."

He got up and went to her. He put his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

"Don't try to butter me up."

He kissed her lips. "Please."

"Alright, I'll talk; just get away from my grill."

He went back to his chair. "Tell me."

"Well," she brushed on more marinade as she spoke. "Some men like their steak rare. That's cold and red in the middle. We all know that eating meat rare is risky because of the possibility of ecoli and other bacterial contamination, and yet some people are willing to take the chance.

He nodded. "Okay, that makes sense."

She added another steak to the grill. "Now I, like some men, enjoy medium rare which is a warm red center. It says I like to take a risk, but a calculated risk."

He motioned her to continue as she brushed marinade on the remaining steak.

"Medium is warm and pink in the middle, and to me is kind of wishy-washy. They are middle of the road, never willing to take a side."

"Interesting," Reid said. "I never thought about any of this."

"Me either, you must be rubbing off on me."

He laughed. "Please go on."

"Well, the next profile is medium well, which is hot and pink in the middle. They're cautious and they think through their decisions very well, they might take a chance once in awhile but only if they're sure of the outcome."

"Am I that easy to read?"

She took both steaks off the grill and began to plate them with the potatoes and some green beans. "What can I say? You're an open book."

He shook his head. "You're just teasing me."

"Yes I am."

They sat and she handed him his plate. "I hope you like it."

He cut into the meat. "Perfect. How do you do it? I can't cook to save my life. I tried to make a grilled steak once and burned it to a crisp."

"It takes practice."

"I guess I don't have time."

"That's okay. I'll cook dinner for you again sometime."

He ate one of the roasted potatoes and closed his eyes. "I'll definitely take you up on that. What about well done?"

She blinked at him.

"You know, well done," he repeated.

"Oh, right. Well done is completely cooked through with no pink center, and it's usually dry and tasteless. There's no risk there except that you might be offended or bored to death."

"I'm happy I don't like well done," he quipped.

"Me too. I like you just the way you are."

"I'm glad."

She swallowed a sip of the wine she'd bought. He ignored his class in favor of the coffee she'd made. "What are you thinking?"

"Hm…"

"You've been playing a good game, but you're distracted. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me."

"You're trying to say something. What is it?"

"Garcia's planning a lunch with JJ and Alex. She drafted me to ask if you'd like to go."

She put down her fork and chewed thoughtfully. "Are you alright with it?"

"Yeah, but I'd never say you couldn't go. You're a modern, independent woman that can do as she likes."

"Yes, but I care about you, Spencer. If you're not okay with my meeting your friends, I won't go."

"I learned some time ago that keeping secrets isn't the smartest thing to do. My friends mean so much to me and I don't want to lie by omission to them. They might tease me, but I figure that goes with the territory when you have friends. I'd rather have that than be alone."

"I think you're very wise, Spencer Reid."

"So, what do you say?"

"Tell Garcia I'll call her. I'd love to meet them."

"Then I guess I better give you her number."

"Now, eat your meat. The latest Star Trek movie is on cable and I thought we'd watch it."

"No," he said

"No."

"No," she repeated. "Why?"

"We're going to watch something you like."

"You might be sorry you agreed to that."

He laughed again. "I think I can handle it."

_**a/n steak profiling is totally made up by yours truly. Just a bit of fun and my own opinion. **_


	13. Friends, Old and New

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Friends, Old and New **_

"_**Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." **_

_**Helen Keller **_

La Zapata was Garcia's favorite Mexican restaurant. They had the best vegetarian choices in the DC area. It didn't hurt that their Desert Pear Margaritas were awesome. The best part was the meaning of the name, "The Shoe," it never failed to make her smile.

JJ was inside waiting when Garcia arrived. She hugged her friend and sat down on a bench that looked like an old style park bench, "Anyone else here, yet?"

"No, I just got here."

"Should we get a table, or wait for Alex and Hope?"

"Let's sit at the bar."

The restaurant was split into two sections. The north said had tables and booths. To the south, were more tables and a bar on the eastern wall. At the opposite end, Garcia saw the huge big screen on the western wall. There was a college basketball game playing and three customers at various tables.

"Is it alright if we wait for some friends at the bar?" JJ asked the hostess.

"Of course, have you been here before?"

"I have," Garcia said. "I love it."

The woman smiled and her blue eyes twinkled. "That's what we like to here. I recommend our margaritas, they rock," she said.

"Yes they do," Garcia said.

The hostess led them to the bar. "This is Stan. He's the best bartender in the state."

"Laurie has a gift for exaggeration."

"I don't know about that, you make the best margaritas. In fact, I'd like one right now."

"What the lady wants, the lady gets," Stan said with a wink.

JJ laughed. "I think I'll wait until we get our food."

"Suit yourself, but you're missing out."

"I won't have to wait long," she pointed over her shoulder to Alex. "There's one of our friends."

"Do you want a table, now?"

"Yes, please."

Another man in a dark brown uniform with Mike on his nametag approached with a practiced smile and menus in his hand.

"We have one more person in our party," Alex said after she greeted the other women.

Mike nodded. "No problem."

They ordered drinks and about two minutes later a young woman approached the table. Her hair was the color of copper and her eyes were sea blue-green. She was about five foot six and curvy with a nervous smile.

"Hello, um, you're Spencer's friends?"

Garcia jumped up first and pointed out the empty chair at the table. "I'm Garcia; I was the one that called you. This is Alex Blake and Jennifer Jareau."

"Call me JJ."

"And, I'm Alex."

"I'm Hope. It's nice to meet you all."

There was a long awkward pause, which Alex broke. "I hope you don't feel ambushed by all of us."

"No," Garcia put in. "That's not what we wanted to do at all."

"We're just glad that Spence has someone that makes him so happy."

Mike approached with drinks. "Would you like something to drink?" He directed at Hope.

"Ah, yeah, I'll have what she's having," she indicated Garcia, "It looks good."

"Great choice, everyone loves our margaritas. Are you ready to order or do you want a minute."

"Give us a few," JJ said.

"Sure."

"I don't feel ambushed," Hope said. "I've wanted to meet Spencer's friends. She turned to Garcia, "Especially you, Penelope; you mean so much to him. I think he considers you one of his best friends."

Garcia beamed. "He's one of a kind and I care very much for him. He's my sweet cheeks, after all."

The others laughed at Hope astonished face. "He told me you give everyone pet names."

"I do, it's my way of spreading a little happiness in a very dreary place like Quantico."

The others nodded. "We don't know what we'd do without Garcia or Reid," Alex said.

They were silent for a few minutes until Alex asked, "Hope, Spencer said you're a nurse at UVA in the Children's Cancer Ward."

"Yes, I've been there for six years and I love it."

"What a sad place to be every day," Garcia commented.

"It can be, but also rewarding as well. The kids are great. They're facing the greatest tests of their young lives and they fight so hard. They inspire me. I think every day that if they can go through cancer then I can face whatever little problems I might have."

"Spencer said you come from a family of cops and the military."

"Yeah, my dad, my brothers, uncles and some of my cousins."

"How did you and Spence meet?"

"We ran into each other at Starbucks, literally."

The others burst out laughing as Mike appeared with Hope's drink. "You ready to order?"

"Yeah," they all said at the same time, which set off more laughter.

They ordered and JJ said. "Why am I not surprised that Spence finds a woman in Starbucks."

"Probably because it's his favorite place other than the library."

"He definitely likes books," Hope said over a grin.

"And Star Trek," JJ said.

"What about Doctor Who?" Garcia said and Alex grinned.

"I think it's cute," Hope said.

"Tell us about you. What do you like?"

"I like books, Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, anything by Stephen King or Dean Koontz. I don't like the original Star Trek."

"Oh, you don't, that must be like blaspheme to Spence."

They laughed. "I supposed you're right," Hope said. "I do like TNG and we've had a few good natured arguments about which are better."

Mike returned with their food at that moment. Hope said. "Tell me about yourselves. Spencer talks about you, but it's mostly about work."

They spent the next thirty minutes laughing and talking about their lives and getting to know Hope.

"Thank you so much," Garcia said to Hope over the last sip of her margarita. "You didn't have to meet us, but you did. We really enjoyed it."

"I'm glad you asked me. The food was great and the company even better.

"I think we should go shopping next time," JJ said.

"I think shopping is a great idea. You can never have too many pairs of shoes."

"I don't think Spence feels the same way," JJ said. "He was completely baffled by the idea that women have shoes to match their clothes, belts and bags."

"Really?" Hope asked.

"Yeah, he and Morgan were searching a house and there were only four pairs of women's shoes in the closet and Morgan commented on it. Apparently Reid was confused and he asked us if ten was enough."

Hope choked on the last of her fish taco. "Seriously," she gasped. "I've got at least twenty-five."

"I'm not going to admit how many I have," Garcia said and they laughed.

"I'm not that big into shopping," Alex admitted "Not for clothes and shoes, anyway. I like books."

"Yeah, she and Spencer have that in common."

"I just had a great idea," Hope said. "I make up some excuse to go to the mall with Spencer and we conveniently pass by "Demille's," and I say I can't miss out on what's on sale and I make him shop with me."

"Oh," Garcia said. "You are evil. I like that in a friend."

"Yeah, I'd love to be there to see the look on Spence's face when he has to wait for you to try on about ten different pairs."

"That's not very nice," Alex said. "But, it would be fun to watch."

"We shouldn't plot to tease him that way," JJ said.

"No, we shouldn't," Garcia agreed.

Hope wiggled her eyebrows. "It was my idea," she reminded her. "You're all innocent if he were to ask."

"True," JJ said. "I say go for it."

"We'll have to do lunch again and hear all about it."

Hope clinked her water glass with Garcia and they all laughed.

Hope tried unsuccessfully to pay for lunch. Garcia said it was all on her which didn't sit well with the rest of the ladies, but she insisted by threatening their cyber lives.

"She really wouldn't do it," Alex said.

"Don't be so sure," Garcia said to Hope. "You have to keep an eye on these guys."

JJ threw her napkin at Garcia. "I don't think so."

"Alright, no food fights," Alex, said and they laughed.

"Seriously," Garcia said as Mike brought around their ticket. "We're all thrilled that Reid has someone like you. He's changed a lot in the past couple of months."

The others nodded in agreement. "I hope we can be friends as well," JJ said.

"I think I'd like that."

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Reid opened the outside door to the Community Center and hurried inside. The double doors to his left were still open. He looked at his watch and was about to rush inside, when a voice stopped him.

"Spencer."

"Oh, hello, John."

"It's good to see you."

"We had a case so I've been gone for a few days."

"Yes, I know. I saw the report. Good work from all of you."

"Thank you, sir."

"Come on, it looks like they're ready to start."

Reid hurried inside with John and they took seats about midway back from the front of the room. He was the first one to stand and share. There were two new guys in the group and he was happy to see they shared too. It was very difficult the first time, but he knew from experience that after the first time, it was cathartic and freeing to speak about the struggles they all shared.

Afterward, he was at the coffee urn talking to a couple of the guys when John approached. "See you later, Vern," he said to a DC Metro cop.

"Don't forget the game next weekend. We all want you to be there."

"If I don't have to work."

He took his coffee cup and followed John out into the night. It was finally spring and warm enough to walk a little. "I'm sorry I haven't had the chance to really talk to you in the last few weeks."

"It's okay, John."

"No, it's not; I am your sponsor, after all."

Reid passed by a couple who were holding hands and talking as if they didn't have a care in the world. He should call Hope, he thought.

"Hey," John said. "Are you still here?"

Reid felt his face getting hot. He hadn't heard what John had said. "I'm sorry."

"You were a million miles away. What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking about Hope."

"Oh, I should have known. You have that uplifted look on your face. I'm glad you're so happy."

"Yeah, she's the best thing that's happened to me since…"

"Since, you found Maeve."

"Yes. I never thought I'd feel so happy again. I thought my future died with her, but now I'm not so sure."

John stopped and faced him. "I knew when you told me about meeting Hope, that something was different. You had this light about you."

"I don't know if I love her," Reid said. "I feel different with her than when I was with Maeve."

"Of course you do," John said and resumed his course down the sidewalk. "Every time we love, it's different."

"I was afraid that if I didn't feel the same, it'd be like, oh I don't know how to explain it."

John glanced over and smiled at him. "I know what you mean. I remember my high school sweetheart. We swore we'd always be in love. Then I went off to college and she met someone else. I was devastated and then I met someone else and I realized that you can love more than one person and it's always different. It took me until I graduated from college and went to work as a cop, to meet the one for me. Now I have over 30 years with her and I wouldn't trade one day, but the way I feel about her will never be the same as how I loved my high school girlfriend, and that's okay. She is a precious memory and my Anna is wonderful reality."

Reid nodded. "I think I understand. I'll always love Maeve, but I know I have to go on with my life. I want it to be with Hope."

"Then I'd say you have a great chance a happy life, Spencer."

"Thanks, John. Look I really have to get back."

John smirked at him and winked. "I know you've been itching to call your lady since the end of the meeting."

"How?"

"I may not have the vaunted title of profiler, but I know a man in love."

"John, I never said -"

"I know you never said, but just think about it. You might be surprised.

Reid watched John walk away and he wondered if he did love Hope and if he did… what to do now?


	14. Pizza and Chess

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Pizza and Chess**_

"_**If fear is the greatest enemy of intimacy, love is its true friend." **_

_**Henri Nouwen**_

The doorbell signaled that Spencer had finally arrived. She peered through the peephole in the door and smiled. As always, her heart began to thump like crazy just to see him on her doorstep.

"Hey," she went directly into his arms.

"Hi," he pushed her door shut and kissed her until she couldn't breathe.

"Wow," she said faintly. "What's that for.?"

"I'm happy," he said.

"I can see that. How was your meeting?"

"It was great. I don't know how to explain it, but every time I go there and talk to the group, I feel like…

"You don't have to explain it. You know all the psychological reasons why group therapy works, but that's not why you always have a smile on your face after a meeting."

He grinned at her. "Then, pray tell, why is it?"

"Because you have friends, and people outside the FBI that accept you. They'll never judge you because you all have the same struggle."

"How did you get to be so wise?"

"I learned from you," she said and stopped his next comment with a kiss. "Don't even think about saying you're not wise," she said when they broke apart.

"I'm not," he argued. "If I were wise, I wouldn't be an addict."

"Recovering addict," she reminded him, "and wisdom has nothing to do with intelligence or impulse control. You are wise because you care about others, Spencer. It's what I love about you."

His eyebrows went up. "Did you say love?"

"Yeah, I did. I'm tired of denying it, even if we've only known each other for a couple of months. I love you, Spencer."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," she said, but her heart hurt that he didn't say the words.

"Hey," he pulled her close and hugged her. "I love you too, Hope. You brought light back into my life. I'm sorry if I didn't say it first. I should've -"

Hope put a hand on his mouth. "I don't care who said it first. I just want to enjoy it, okay?"

"I concur," he said solemnly and she laughed. "Why don't you sit? I can see you're beat."

He went to the couch and dropped down. He stretched out his long legs and motioned to her. She decided that his lap was the best place to sit. "I love it when you stretch out. You remind me of a cat. It's very sexy."

He went a little pink in the cheeks. "I was just getting comfortable. Did you know that stretching before bedtime improves blood flow and can help with quality of sleep."

"I did know that," she said. "Were you planning on going to bed?"

He brought his lips to her neck and began to nibble down to her shoulder. One hand slid under her white tank and cupped a breast. "Yes," he said in answer to her moan. "I think that's very good idea."

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"Mmm…" she sighed as his long fingers stroked her back.

"You okay," he whispered.

She pushed up to one elbow and studied his beautiful eyes. "I should ask you the same thing."

"Yeah," he squeaked. "I'm never felt better in my life."

She hugged him and kissed his neck, then his chest. "I'm glad this happened."

"Me too," he agreed.

She looked up at him and there was something in his eyes she'd never seen. "Are you sure?"

He sighed and turned over to face her fully. "I was thinking about all the steps I had to take to get to this moment. I never fully realized how intimate a person can get with another human being until I met you."

She scooted up to him and hugged him tight around the waist as their legs tangled together. "I thought I'd never come back from losing Johnny," she said and tears filled her eyes. "I thought when he died that my life was over."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad we met because we both understand losing someone we loved so much. I really needed that."

"It's okay," she said and wiped away a tear that slid down his cheek. "Sometime's life doesn't go the way we plan it."

He sniffed and laughed. "Yeah, that's something I'm learning."

She kissed his chest again. "Thank you for looking over your shoulder the day we met. I can't bear to think of my life if we hadn't run into each other that day."

He shivered and held her tight. "I don't want to think about it, either."

She rolled away and got out of bed. "Hey," he protested.

"If I don't get up," she said and put on on a pair of ripped sweat pants and the white tank he pulled off in the heat of their passion, "our dinner will be ruined."

"You didn't have to cook for me again."

She sat down and leaned over for a kiss, then pulled away and giggled. "Oh no you don't, Dr. Reid."

"I'm not hungry for food."

"Too bad. Get up and get dressed."

"Alright," he pouted, and then his eyes lit up, "Only if you promise to tell me all about your lunch."

She rolled her eyes. "There's not that much to tell."

"Please," he was so adorable with his hair all mussed, and his eyes sleepy and sexy.

"Do you have to look at me that way?"

He patted the bed. "If it gets you back into bed, I'll do what I have to do."

"Look at you, Mr. Sex Maniac."

He wiggled his eyebrows.

"No," she said, "you'll have to wait for dessert."

"What's for dessert?"

"Me," she said and leaped away when he grabbed for her. "Behave!"

He slid out from the covers and began to look for his shirt. She watched him until he turned around. "What"

"Oh, nothing, I better go get dinner out of the oven."

She left, but a part of her wanted to go back in there for round two. Still, she could smell that dinner was getting too well done so she hurried out to the kitchen.

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"If you must know," she began when he joined her, dressed in his grey shirt and blue slacks, but minus his fitted vest and tie. "I was the last one to arrive. It was weird walking up to these people I don't know."

"I think I can imagine that," he said dryly.

She smirked at him. "Well, it wasn't like standing in front of a recruitment seminar. Still, I like them. They all seem to care about you."

"What did they tell you about me?"

She put the round pizza pan on the table, along with the pizza cutter and motioned for him to slice it.

"Why do I have to cut this?"

"Because I cooked."

"That doesn't make any sense," he observed.

"I'll tell you everything the girls said, if you slice up the pizza."

He sighed. "It does smell good, better than ordering out."

"Why thank you, Dr. Reid."

He began pushing the cutter through the pizza as she related the conversation with the girls. She decided to leave out the part about making him go shoe shopping.

"It sounds like you had fun," he said.

"Yeah, it was fun. I hope we get to do it again."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem. I'm sure that Garcia will plan the next get together before you know it."

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"I thought you were dessert," Reid whined when she wouldn't go back to bed after they loaded the dishwasher.

"I have a better idea."

He folded his arms over his chest and scowled. "What could be better?"

"I decided I want you to teach me how to play chess."

He stared at her. "You want me to teach you chess, why?"

"It's something you love, so I want to learn it."

He put both hands on her elbows and drew her close. "You don't have to learn chess because I like it. It's not just me in this relationship."

His puppy eyes made her heart gallop in her chest. She couldn't hide from those eyes because they saw everything.

"Babe, I know it's not just you. I truly want to learn. I might suck at it, but I want to try."

"Alright, but I promise you I won't be an easy taskmaster."

She nearly laughed at his attempt to play the strict teacher. "Yes sir," she pulled one arm free of his grasp and saluted him.

"I don't sense the appropriate level of respect and fear," he complained.

"Sorry, sir. I will try to keep a straight face at all times."

"Try, there is no try, do or do not," he said in a very bad impression of Yoda.

"Ha," she snorted. "Not funny at all."

"I think it is," he laughed. "By the way, how am I going to teach you to play? My chess set's in my apartment."

"I bought one today," she gestured to a bag he hadn't noticed on the counter. "It isn't a fancy hand carved antique, but it'll do."

He picked up the bag and removed the chess set. It was a garden-variety set you could find in any store, but the sight of it made his blood begin to hum.

"I can see in your eyes, you're up for the challenge," she teased.

"I think I can handle you."

"Why don't you set up the game and we'll see who comes out on top."

His eyebrows went up. "Is that a double entendre I hear, Ms. Charles?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'd never be so crude, Dr Reid."

He laughed. "I'm glad because there are activities I'd rather resume and you're little comments aren't helping me concentrate."

"Too bad," she said. "I want to learn chess, so suck it up."

He opened his mouth and she clamped a hand over it. "Don't even think about it."

He decided to go along with Hope's decision to learn, but part of his mind was already working on a way to turn this to his advantage.

"No plotting in that big brain of yours, Spencer."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Of course not," she agreed. "Stop stalling and set up the game."


	15. A Trip To The Children's Ward

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**A Trip to The Children's Ward **_

"_**Adults are just outdated children." **_

_**Dr. Seuess**_

He walked reluctantly toward the elevator in Hope's apartment building. Someone had finally repaired it. He pushed the button for the fourth floor. He paced the small car in agitation and asked himself again, why he agreed to this activity.

Hope answered the door as soon as he knocked and tugged him inside. "Hi, lover," she greeted and kissed him.

"Hi," he responded unhappily.

"It's going to be okay."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

She handed him a cup of hot coffee. "It's going to be fine," she promised. "We just have time for a cup of coffee and then…."

"That's what I'm afraid of," he said.

She sipped her coffee and took a minute to take in his thin, but toned body, clothed in a dark blue jacket, grey slacks and a pink shirt, with a grey and pink pin stripped tie. His hair was mussed and his face pink from the kiss of the wind. His ever-present messenger bag hung over his right shoulder and he wore his usual dirty white Converse shoes. She supposed he probably had his mismatched socks and the thought made her grin.

"Why are you smiling?"

Her copper curls were pulled up into a jaunty ponytail and her sea-blue eyes sparkled. She wore her favorite pink tee shirt with a light blue jacket and brand new jeans. Her feet were clad in white running shoes and her bag sat on the kitchen table.

"I'm smiling because you love me."

"Yes," he agreed. "I do love you."

"I'm glad, but that fact will not get you out of our plans today."

He gulped down his cooling coffee. "I'm going to think of this as a learning experience."

"Why is it a learning experience? It's supposed to be fun."

He looked down at his shoes for a minute. "I want to have kids one day."

Her eyebrows went up. "You do?" 

"Yes." He said resolutely. "I want to be a father."

She didn't know what to say and his eyes went cool. "I'm sorry," he said stiffly. "I didn't think before I spoke."

"No," she grabbed his arm before he could step away. "I was surprised, that's all. We've never talked about kids."

"Why should we? We've only known each other for a little over two months. I don't know why I just said that."

"Because I made you uncomfortable, by pressuring you into our little excursion today."

He put his arms around her shoulders and hugged her close. "If I didn't want to go, I would have said no. I'm sorry I've been acting like a jerk about it."

She reached up and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. "Why don't we go keep our appointment and we'll talk later."

He stroked her cheek with one, long finger and she shivered. "Are we okay?"

"Yeah, we're okay."

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The elevators doors opened onto the Children's Cancer Ward at UVA Hospital and disgorged two on duty nurses, a doctor in green scrubs, a woman with one child, a man, and Spencer with Hope at his side. He looked around and tried not to think about how much he disliked hospitals.

He followed Hope as she went to the left of the nurses' station. "Hey," said a familiar woman in pink scrubs. "It's about time you showed, although I don't know why you want to be here on your day off."

"What can I say; I'm a glutton for punishment."

Jessica smirked at her and tossed her dark hair over her shoulder. "I think you're dedicated and you make the rest of us look like slobs."

Hope punched her friend on the arm.

"Hey, ow," she complained and rubbed it vigorously.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jess. I forgot about your arm."

"It's okay. I'm just glad that damn cast is finally off. Hey, Spencer," she winked at him. "Are you up for this?"

"I'm good," he squeaked.

"Sure you are. If you need to make a quick exit, just holler."

"That's very cute," Hope said. "Watch it, or I'll break your other arm."

"Ha," Jessica barked. "Give me a break."

"Ms Charles," said a voice behind Hope.

They turned to see a tall, thin woman with chestnut hair, grey at the temples and light brown eyes. She wore a dove grey business suit and held a clipboard in her hands.

"Hi, Mrs. Shelton. This is Dr. Spencer Reid."

"Hello," she greeted as he gave her one of his trademark waves. "It's nice to meet you. Hope talks about you all the time."

"Mrs. Shelton is our Administrator."

"It's good to meet you," he said. "Thank you for inviting me today."

"Thank you both for coming in on your days off for the kids."

"You're welcome," he said and he noticed Mrs. Shelton's grey eyes were considerably warmer than what he remembered of Erin Strauss. "We have the children in the sun room."

Hope took his hand and squeezed as they started down the hallway. They passed a large window and he could see the sky getting very black to the west. The wind tossed the trees into a frenzy of shaking leaves.

"Looks like it is going to rain," she said.

"Virginia receives an average rainfall of 44.39 inches, per year. So far this year, we've had 16.7 inches."

Mrs. Shelton turned and gave him a look. "You know the average rainfall of Virginia?"

Hope winked at him when he ducked his head. "Yeah, he knows many things the average person doesn't care about," she said proudly.

"Sorry, I tend to ramble when I'm nervous," he admitted.

Mrs. Shelton nodded and smiled. "They won't bite, Dr. Reid."

They finally found the sunroom and it held about ten children in various states of health.

"We're about half capacity right now," said Mrs. Shelton and Reid heard optimism in her voice.

A small girl with red hair like Hope sat in a wheel chair with an IV running into her arm and a stuffed puppy toy in her lap. She smiled when Hope took notice of her. "Hope," she cried.

"Hey there, my little princess."

She carefully hugged the little girl. "Remember when I told you about my friend, Spencer."

The little girl nodded and looked up at Reid with large blue eyes that were ancient and full of suffering, but also the innocence of a child. "Hi," she said shyly.

He waved at her, "Hi, there."

He noticed that some of the children held toys and some were staring at him as if he were a new form of life they'd never seen.

"Children," said Mrs. Shelton. "This is Dr. Spencer Reid from the FBI."

One little boy with a baldhead and Star Wars pajamas tugged on Reid's hand from his wheelchair.

"Oh, hello," he said and crouched down. "I see you like Star Wars."

"Yeah, it's my favorite. Did you know they're going to make another movie?"

"Are they?" Reid asked, pretending that this was news to him.

"Do you like Star Wars, too?"

Reid nodded. "I love it."

"My mommy said I can go to the theater and see the new movie when it comes out if I'm good and take my medicine. I have cancer," he said and scowled. "I don't like the medicine. It makes my tummy hurt."

"I know," Reid said and bit his cheek when tears threatened. "Sometimes medicine makes us feel more ill, but then it works a kind of magic in our bodies and makes the bad stuff inside us disappear."

"Really," said the little boy.

"Yeah, it's like a Jedi Knight with his light saber, fighting the Storm Troopers. The next time you have to take your medicine, think about soldiers fighting inside your body to make the cancer go away and never come back."

The little boy nodded. "Kay."

Reid squeezed the boy's thin little hand and looked up at Hope whose eyes were shining with tears.

"Dr. Reid is here to show us some magic tricks he knows and talk about catching the bad guys at his job."

Some of the kids were talking and playing together, but now they stopped and Reid flinched when all eyes turned to him.

"You have the floor," Mrs. Shelton said.

He turned back at their expectant faces, and as a roll of thunder split the sky and lightning lit up the room with flashes of light, he opened his mouth to speak. At the same time, the lights went out and the only light was the faint grey light of day outside the room.

"What's that," cried the little girl with red hair. Some of the other kids were upset and two of the girls were crying.

"Its okay, the lights will come back soon."

The emergency generator kicked in and the lights returned. "I'm going to go call maintenance, the light should've kicked in immediately," said Mrs. Shelton and she stalked away with a cell phone at her ear.

"Hey," Hope said and clapped her hands together. "Who wants to see some magic?"

The kids cheered and clapped, while Reid went to the center of the room. Four nurses, including Jessica, helped the kids gather around in a circle.

Half an hour later, everyone had forgotten that Reid was supposed to tell the kids about what it was like to be an FBI agent. He sat in the middle of the floor with the blond haired boy on his lap. He was telling them a story about one of Harry Houdini's very first illusions.

"…he seemed to be utterly trapped, but then the cabinet opened," Reid said with his fingers jabbing their air like birds in flight, "and it was empty. He had disappeared."

"Where did he go?"

Reid turned his attention to a boy with black hair, coffee colored skin and dark eyes. "He was right there in the back of the audience."

"Cool," said one of the boys.

"It was very cool."

"That's nothing," said another black haired boy. "I saw another magician make an airplane disappear."

"Me too," said Spencer. "But Harry Houdini lived over on hundred years ago and that was a big illusion in those days."

"That's a long time," said the little boy on his lap.

"It is a long time ago, but all modern magicians learned something from Harry Houdini."

"I want to be a magician when I get big," said the little girl with red hair.

"You can be anything you want to be," Reid said. "You can make your dreams come true, but it takes hard work."

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"Thank you so much for sacrificing your afternoon for the kids," Hope said and hugged him tight when they arrived back at his place with Indian take out for an early dinner.

She shook her umbrella out over his sink, then took it into his bathroom and left it to dry in the tub.

"I'm glad you had that in your car, or we'd both be soaked," he called out to her as he removed food from its bag.

"Can you believe this storm?" She joined him in the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door.

She pulled a bottle of tea with lemon and raspberry out of the door and turned when Reid didn't respond to her comment.

"What?"

"I was thinking about a case we had. The un-sub was using tornados to kill people."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, and I don't want to talk about it and ruin a great day. Let's eat."

"I agree," she said.

"There're a couple of blankets over the back of couch. You want to spread them out?" 

She looked at him for a minute. "You want to have a picnic?"

"Yeah," he reached out and took her right hand. "I was thinking about the first date we had, watching the sun come up and how we only had one blanket. It's raining buckets, so I can't recreate it."

"I think it's wonderfully romantic idea."

"I'm glad, because I just want to sit and be grateful for the wonderful woman you are to me."

His beautiful eyes were shining. She felt tears begin to collect in the corners of her eyes "I love you so much, Spencer Reid."

He leaned down to kiss her and suddenly the lights went out. "Damn," he said and Hope giggled. "I don't think we can count on emergency lights this time."

He laughed. "There are candles in the cupboard. It'll be more romantic."

She smacked his arm. "Do you think you're going to get lucky? 

"Yes," he said very confidently.

"It's a good thing you're hot, or I'd have to kick your butt."

"I think you talk a good game," Spencer said.

"You haven't seen anything yet," she retorted and kissed him.

"Come on, let's light the candles and eat."


	16. Angels and Demons

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Angels and Demons**_

"_**Love and death are the two great hinges on which all human sympathies turn."**_

_**B. R. Hayden **_

This was absolute heaven, Hope decided. She sat on the rug in front of her couch, with Spencer's legs on either side of her. His long, talented fingers massaged her shoulders and there was a Hugh Grant movie on the television. She had a beer and a chocolate ganache cupcake from Carole's Cupcakes, with in easy reach.

"You've got magic hands," she sighed.

"Are you happy," he asked, his mouth right at her ear.

"Yes," she closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of him, that special scent that made him Spencer.

His hands slid down her shoulders to her forearms and his lips found her neck. "Hmm…"

"I love you," he whispered.

"Spencer," she sighed when his fingers lifted her tee shirt out of her jeans.

Her head tilted back and he leaned over her to claim her lips, his hands cupped her breasts and stroked her hardening nipples. "Oh," her legs jerked and one foot knocked over her bottle of beer. She turned, reared up on her knees and pulled on Spencer's zipper.

His phone began to beep insistently. "Damn it," she hissed. "You just got home two hours ago."

He looked at the text on his phone from Garcia and sighed. "I'm sorry," he said as he zipped his pants. "I have to go."

She sat back and watched him straighten his tie and smooth back his hair. She couldn't help it; she giggled as he pulled on the cuffs of his sleeves.

"What?" He said irritably.

"I'm sorry, it's just cute the way you're trying to look as if you weren't about to get laid."

"Oh very funny," he said.

"I'm sorry, Spencer. I was just teasing."

He hugged her tight, "It's okay. I never thought I'd get called in tonight. I should've known better than to start something."

"It really is okay."

"No, it's not," he said and grabbed his bag. "I'll call you later."

"Spencer, what's wrong?"

He kissed her. "We'll talk about it later."

She watched him leave and wondered again if he'd come back to her safe and sound. Now there was something else in his eyes that scared her and she didn't know why.

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He thought when Unit Chief Cruz asked them to look into a case for Sheriff Peter Coleman, it'd be just like every other case. They'd identify the un-sub and save a life. He never thought he'd be shot, again, and at the edge of death, again.

It was strange, this feeling of floating when Morgan pulled him to the back of a cop car. He could hear bullets flying and the shouts of cops trying to get into the restaurant, but he couldn't make it resolve in his mind as something important. He didn't feel the pain of the bullet in his neck but he could feel the weakness that came with losing blood. Someone should do something. He should do something, but he couldn't stay awake. Blake was there and she kept telling him to stay with her, but he was so tired. She called him Ethan and ordered him to open his eyes. "My name's not Ethan," he thought he was saying.

"Hurry," Blake said and looked around as the shooting finally stopped.

When he opened his eyes again, he saw a bright light over his eyes that made his headache. No, he wouldn't go into the light. It hadn't been his time seven years ago, and it wasn't his time now. "It sounded like a tea kettle. Did you hear it?"

Morgan didn't know what he meant. He could hear it in his partner's voice. Derek kept telling Reid to stay with him, but he was so tired. He had to close his eyes. He'd take a short break and then he'd tell Morgan about the Hydro Shock bullets. They had to know that someone in law enforcement shot first.

When he opened his eyes, it was to see two actions figures of The Doctor and two of The Tardis. He had to smile even though he felt weak as a kitten and his neck throbbed and stung like a loose tooth. There was something he needed to tell them, but he couldn't quite pull it out of his head.

"Well, look whose back," Blake said.

The worry in her eyes subsided a little when he forced a smile onto his face. His eyes felt like someone had attached twenty-pound sandbags to them, but at least he didn't feel that floating sensation and he didn't see the light over his head. That was good, right?"

"Hi, Alex," he whispered.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "Thanks for saving my life."

He hadn't saved her life. What was she talking about? He pushed her out of the way of the bullet, but he was okay so logically that meant Alex would've been okay. He blinked and thought there was something wrong with that logic, even if it sounded good in his head. He must be confused from lack of blood.

"Hey, Reid," Garcia was suddenly there and hugging him carefully. "You gotta stop scaring us like that."

"I'm fine," he said.

"Are you really okay? Is there anything you need? I can get you something to eat or -"

"Garcia, it's okay. Thanks for this," he pointed at the action figures on the table. "It's really great."

"You're welcome. Now I'm going to see if you can have something to eat. I'll be back."

"She really cares about you," Blake said.

"Yeah," he said. "Thanks for staying."

"You're welcome."

He turned and looked out of of the glass windows around his room. A nurse in blue scrubs and red hair walked past his door. "Oh, I gotta call Hope. Where's my phone?"

"Hey," Alex put a restraining hand on his shoulder. "Stay there. You can call her when you're feeling a little better."

"She'll be mad if I don't tell her."

He found he didn't have the strength to throw off Blake's hand. So he let his head fall back on the pillow.

"She can't do anything," Blake said. "You'll just upset her."

"You're probably right."

He coughed, and put his hand up to his throat. "When this comes off, I'm going to look just like Boris Karloff."

Alex smiled back. "A little green makeup and you'll have the best Halloween costume ever."

He wanted to laugh, but he couldn't stop thinking about the man he saw at the shootout. He didn't have a cop's uniform, but there was something about his face.

"Everyone's fine, don't worry," Alex said.

"I'm not," he tried to reassure her.

"You've got that furrowed brow."

Garcia hurried in with a tray and told him to tell Alex she could go. He told he was okay and to go help the team. She left and Garcia began to tell him about the bland hospital food she brought for him. He liked the idea of Jell-O and reached for it, but as he looked at the little container, he realized he wasn't hungry.

He was getting sleepy again when he started thinking about Hope and wishing he were falling asleep with her in his arms. Instead, he was in another hospital with a bandage around his neck.

He was drifting off when Garcia shook his shoulder hard. "Wake up Reid, we have to leave."

"What?"

"You have to get into this wheelchair."

"I can't Garcia. I wanna sleep."

"There's a cop here, Reid. We have to leave. He wants to hurt you."

He finally looked into her eyes and her fear was very real. His heart began to thump in his chest. "What's happening?"

"I don't want to scare you," she said and twisted her hands. "Derek said we have to get you out of the hospital."

"Alright, but you'll have to help me."

He tried to stand after he managed to get his legs off the side of the bed, but he couldn't and nearly fell. It was like someone poured sand into his knees. His heart raced and cold sweat broke on his forehead. He had to sit down, or fall down. Grey crept in around the edges of his eyes as he held onto Garcia. He barely heard her gasp at taking his weight as the world seemed to revolve around him. "Come on, Reid. We gotta get you out of here."

Her voice pulled him back and he bit the inside of his cheek hard. The bright pain made the grey edges pull back slowly as if under water. He stepped to the side, and stumbled, but Garcia was there. Somehow she got him in the chair and when he sat down, he couldn't think except to breathe in and out and hope he didn't pass out.

She pushed him out the door and suddenly the fire alarm was blaring. It whooped in his ears so loudly he couldn't hear his thoughts or the people around him as the hallway filled. "Great distraction," he thought he said, but she didn't hear him and then it was all black again and his head dropped to his chest.

Someone was shaking his shoulder. He tried to raise his head, but it hurt too much. "Leave me alone," he heard someone say and realized it was he.

"Reid, talk to me. You can't fall asleep out here in the parking lot."

"What're we doin out here?"

He couldn't make solid thoughts resolve in his head. He was so tired that everything was like sand running through his hands, or water in a streambed flowing over rocks and stones, and running away to some other place.

"Don't worry, we're safe," she said. "Just stay with me till they give the all clear."

He tried to lift his head again, but it felt like a ton weight tied to his neck. Oh, his neck hurt. The drugs must be wearing off. Where was his medallion? "Need my medallion," he said as someone approached them, and then Garcia said. "We can go back in."

He opened his eyes and they were back in his room. Well, it wasn't his room, but there was a bed and he was tired. "Come on," Garcia clasped his arm and put one arm around his waist as he made his legs lift his butt out of the wheelchair.

"Morgan is five minutes away."

He panted hard as she maneuvered him to the bed and he finally sat. He didn't move for a minute because his head was so heavy on his neck.

"Swing up your legs and then you can rest," Garcia promised, so he did.

"You okay," she asked.

"I'm tired."

"You need sleep," she said just as a male nurse came in to his room, "but how can you when someone is always here to poke you."

He never considered that someone in the hospital would try to kill him until the nurse not only ignored his assertions that he was severely allergic to the drugs, and then injected them into the IV port anyway. It was like he'd stepped into one of his mother's paranoid nightmares, and then he saw the gun and all hell broke loose.

The shot was deafening, but the nurse lay on the floor and seconds later Morgan was there. Garcia resembled someone that had forgotten her own name. "Am I yelling," she was saying as Morgan and other hospital employees secured the murderous nurse.

"You saved my life," he said and he was stunned at her determination and bravery. He was proud of her, too. His best friend had saved him from certain death.

"Can you hear me," he asked her when she just stared at him.

"Yeah, thanks for saying it.

"Thank you for doing it."

He hugged her until his heart rate finally began to slow down. "There's no way I'm sleeping now?" He said when she released him.

She finally smiled at him. "I can't say that I blame you. Why don't we just sit and take in the fact that you're still alive."

He glanced over at his patient bag and saw his phone peeking out. "I really need to call Hope," he said.

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Blake said not to, that she couldn't do anything, but I really need to talk to her."

"Sorry kid," Morgan said as a doctor and two nurses hurried in. "They need to check you out and then you need to get some rest."

"Morgan, I need to talk to her."

"Spencer, you can't, not right now. He tried to kill you. The doc needs to make sure you're okay."

"I know that, Morgan. I can't just let this night go on without calling her."

"You can call her later. Right now, Hotch is after Deputy McGregor. The guy's playing out his end game. I need to go help him."

"I wish I wasn't stuck here," Reid complained. "I want to help."

"You're helping by letting the doc do his thing."

He sat back and watched Morgan leave the room. He glanced over at Garcia and saw that there were tears in her eyes. "Hey, I'm okay."

"I know, I'm can't believe I shot someone."

"You had too," he said. "He's not dead and you saved me."

Tears slid down her face and as soon as the doctor pronounced him okay for getting shot and nearly poisoned, she hugged him again. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"I'm going to be fine."

The doctor and the nurse left after reestablishing his IV line. Reid looked at his phone again. "Garcia, I need to call Hope."

She handed him the phone. "I know you do, sweet pea. Call her."


	17. Fallout

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

**_A/n spoilers for "Demons"_**

_**Fallout**_

"_**Make sure you never, never argue at night. You just lose a good night's sleep, and you can't settle anything until the morning anyway."**_

_**Rose Kennedy**_

"Hi, you've reached Hope. Leave me a message and I'll think about calling you back."

"Hey," he said. "It's me, um, I just wanted to tell you I love you and I miss you. Call me when you can?"

He clicked off the phone and frowned down at the screen. His eyes burned and his neck felt like it'd collapse under the weight of his head. He slid down on his back and closed his eyes.

Garcia sat next to his bed and rubbed at the back of her neck. How long to wait until Morgan called to say it was all over?

"Sometimes waiting really stinks," she said quietly.

Reid didn't move, and even though she wished for someone to talk to, it was good that he got some sleep.

"I sit there with my computers and I'm always safe," she continued. "You're the ones that go out there and chase the bad guys."

She sniffed a little then rubbed at her eyes. She swallowed back the urge to cry because if she started, she'd never stop, and she wouldn't let Reid see her with red eyes.

Her phone finally beeped "Morgan," she squeaked.

"Yeah, baby girl. It's over, McGregor is dead and the Texas Rangers are here."

"Is everyone okay?"

"We're all fine. See you in a little while."

She put her phone away and found the strength to reach out and take Reid's hand. He didn't respond when she squeezed it hard. "It's over and soon we'll go home."

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Ten minutes passed from the time he watched Alex get into that taxi. He stood staring at her badge when his phone rang. He looked down and realized it was Hope. Something broke in him and for the first time since being shot, he just wanted someone there next to him. He wanted Hope.

"Hey," he croaked and tried to keep back tears of pain and frustration.

"Babe," she answered. "What's wrong?"

"She left and it was so awful."

"Who left?"

"Alex left, and she won't be back. I don't blame her, Hope. I don't know if I can take anymore."

"Spencer, what's wrong?"

"Please come home. I need you."

"I'll be right there."

He paced the room until she knocked on the door. "Oh thank God," he grabbed her and pulled her into the room. He held on so tight, she wiggled in his arms.

"Babe, talk to me," she said into his shoulder.

He loosened his hold on her because he felt dizzy and wanted to sit. She followed him to his couch and reached up to turn his head.

"Ouch," he cried and ducked away.

"Spencer, why do you have post-op dressings on your neck? What happened?"

"I was shot."

"You were shot!"

"Please don't shout at me."

She leaped to her feet. "Jesus, Spencer, you were shot and no one called me. You didn't call me. You know how much I worry about you every time you get on that jet and you tell me not to shout."

"I tried to call you but you didn't answer."

"That's because I was working," she shouted. "I couldn't call back in the middle of giving one of my kids a shot. I can't believe you're turning this around on me. Why didn't someone on the team call?"

"We were busy, Hope. We walked right into a hornet's nest. We thought it was just one killer, but it was the entire police force."

"That's makes me feel so much better," she snapped.

"Stop it," he said as his head began to pound. The pain was like a railroad spike in his skull. He squinted and tears of pain slid down his cheeks.

"Spencer? Oh god, are you alright?" She slid onto the couch next to him and he flinched away from her touch. "I'm sorry. You told me you were shot and all I could think was the day they told me Johnny was dead. I can't bear it again."

He turned into her arms and all the pain he'd held back from physical injury, that Alex was gone, welled up, and he couldn't speak. He trembled and more pain slashed at his neck like a sharp knife through meat.

"Please don't leave," he said.

"Spencer, I -"

"Please," he interrupted.

His eyes were shiny with unshed tears and his face white like bleached bone. The circles under his eyes were so deep, she couldn't see the end.

"I'm sorry," she said. "You're hurting. Go to bed and we'll talk later."

"Yeah," he said hoarsely "I'm sorry and I love you."

"Don't," she whispered. "We'll talk after you get some sleep."

"I don't want you to go," he said. "Please stay here."

"I can't, you're hurt and -"

"I need you, please."

She followed him into his bedroom and kicked off her shoes. He pulled off all his clothes except his boxers and crawled into bed. She took off everything and reached for his shirt. It was warm from his body and it smelled like him. It was proof that he was still alive and still there.

"Thank you," he said and put his head on her chest when she climbed in.

"I love you so much," she said.

"I love you too. I'm sorry I frightened you. I never meant any of this to happen."

"I know, baby. We'll talk about it in the morning. Go to sleep."

She reached out and stroked his hair back from his forehead. He sighed and murmured something she couldn't understand. "It's okay," she said even though it really wasn't okay. The anger was still there but she shoved it down. Spencer went to sleep quickly, but she didn't follow him down to the land of dreams for a very long time.

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The light was grey when Hope opened her eyes. The room was in shadows and she was alone.

"Spencer?"

He wasn't in the room, and when she hurried out into the living room, it was empty. She tapped on the bathroom door, but got no response. She went back to the living room for her phone and found an envelope with her name written on it in Spencer's scrawl.

She opened it with trembling hands and removed a slip of paper.

Dearest Hope,

I'm sorry to leave you sleeping, but I have something to take care of before we talk about what happened in Texas.

I left, because I'm on my way to see Hotch. I have something to give him and I have something to tell him, that I've wanted to say for months.

Thank you for staying with me last night, even though I know you were furious with me. I needed you so much.

I was thinking last night when I was waiting for you to come home that I don't know how I'd get through what I have to do now without you. Thank you for giving me strength.

I'll be home soon. Please stay. I need you to be there when I get home. I want to talk to you.

I love you,

Spencer

She folded the note and put it back in the envelope. What did he mean? What was he going to do? Why get up so early when he was obviously in pain and go back to Quantico?

She looked at her watch and thanked God that she didn't have to go to work after pulling a double to cover for Jessica. She could stay here. She decided to go back to Spencer's room. Maybe she could get a little more sleep before she had to deal with the sight of him with a bandage around his neck and the reminder that he could be dead. The white-hot anger had burned out of her now, but she wondered how they'd make it work when it seemed like death was just around the corner every time he had to leave.

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It was seven am when Hotch arrived at Quantico. He tried not to think about all the paperwork on his desk. His mind skipped back to the text Alex sent him, giving her resignation. To say it was a surprise was a complete understatement, but then, he'd never been able to read Alex Blake. The elevator finally made it to the sixth floor just as he'd managed to put her out of his mind.

Reid was last thing he expected to see when he stepped off the elevator car. The young man stood waiting for him with an expression of such misery in his eyes it made his blood run cold.

"Reid, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on leave."

"I need to talk to you."

"Alright."

They walked in tense silence toward Hotch's office. He didn't like the look of his young friend. There was pain, determination and something else…

"What is it?" He said much more sharply than he'd intended when he shut the office door.

"I have something for you. Alex left it in my bag."

He pulled out her badge and tossed it on Hotch's desk. "Yes," Hotch said. "She sent me a text. She's resigned. I'm sorry you had to find out about it like that."

"Don't worry about me. I don't feel abandoned this time. She did what she had to do and now I'm doing what I have to do."

He pulled his gun from his holster, removed his badge from his pocket, and laid them on the desk. "I quit, Hotch, effective immediately."


	18. Resignation

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**Resignation**_

"_**Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."**_

_**Ambrose Bierce**_

The lines around Hotch's mouth deepened as he regarded Reid who stood white faced and trembling.

"Sit down," he commanded harshly because his young teammate appeared ready to collapse.

"I don't want to sit, Hotch. I have to get back to Hope."

"Is she the reason for this?" Hotch pointed at the gun and badge on his desk.

Reid swallowed hard and grimaced. "No, she thinks I'm here because of Alex."

"So, you haven't discussed your decision with her."

Reid heaved out a breath. "I wanted to talk to you first. She's furious with me right now… I think talking would be counterproductive."

Hotch put his briefcase to one side of the desk and sat. "Please sit down."

Reid sat. "I don't want to discuss this, Hotch. Just accept my resignation."

"I can't do that, Reid."

"Why? Have you talked to Blake? Did you doubt her sincerity, like you doubt mine?"

"No, I haven't spoken to her. She sent me a text instead of talking to me face to face."

"Oh."

Reid looked down at his sleeve because he couldn't meet Hotch's gaze. Still, he could feel his boss staring at him. It was like a laser beam to his head.

"Yes, oh," said Hotch. "She sends me a text to quit and you come here to see me personally. What does that tell you?"

Reid looked up and almost flinched at Hotch's black glower. He swallowed hard, which hurt his neck and made him wince despite his desire not to appear weak to Hotch.

"I came in because I knew you'd be upset that Alex just left and I wanted to tell you in person."

"Well, it was a waste of time. I don't accept your resignation. I want you to take back your gun and badge and go home.'

"Hotch, I -"

"Go home, Reid and think about it. If you still feel the same when your leave is over, I won't stand in your way."

"Hotch, please just accept my decision."

"Why?"

Hotch's tone was so hard that Reid almost fled, but he was there to quit and he'd make it stick.

"I'm tired of all the death," Reid said very quietly.

His neck throbbed, his eyes burned from lack of sleep and his hands trembled. He put them in his pockets and met Hotch's eyes.

"How many times can I cheat death, Hotch?"

"Reid, I -"

"No," the young man raised his voice. He stood up even though he was so tired he could barely stand. "I've been shot, tortured, forcibly addicted to a dangerous drug; I've been exposed to anthrax and shot again, and nearly poisoned. I died, or did you forget that? You beat me up, Hotch, all in the name of getting the job done. How much more do I have to take?"

"If I thought you wanted to quit because our job can be dangerous, I'd never have accepted you on the team in the first place."

Reid flinched in his chair and lost the battle of wills when he broke eye contact with Hotch after several agonizing seconds.

"I've already lost too much," he said quietly. "If not for this job, Maeve would still be alive."

"You know that's not true," Hotch said.

"How?" Reid demanded. "How do I know that? I was cocky because of the job. I was sure, even though she didn't want my help, that one day I'd figure out a way to pull her out of that life and keep her safe with me. Instead, I let it go on too long and she's dead."

"Reid, you know -"

"I don't want to hear it, Hotch."

Reid ignored the fire in Hotch's eyes because the only thing that mattered was leaving that office and getting back to Hope. "I don't want to be like you," he said through gritted teeth.

Hotch's expression did not change but his eyes went from blank to pain and back again in a second. His hands balled into fists, but he didn't speak.

"Haley is dead because you ran a foul of the wrong un-sub and he decided to play with you. What if that happens to me? What if Hope's the one at the end of the ball of string? I barely survived losing Maeve; I can't go through that again."

"Reid," Hotch finally said very slowly and carefully. "I know you're upset so I'm going to stay calm. What happened to me and Haley was an anomaly. The odds of that happening to you are -"

"Don't quote statistics to me!" Reid's face was bright red and he trembled from head to foot. "I know the odds. The funny thing is that I beat the odds all the time. I don't want to take the chance."

"Go home, Reid," Hotch ordered. "Go home and cool down. Talk to Hope and if you still want to quit, I'll accept your resignation without protest."

Hotch stood and rounded his desk. He picked up Reid's badge and gun and held them out. Reid snatched them away and left without saying goodbye. Hotch decided to count himself lucky that Reid hadn't slammed the door.

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He found her asleep in his bed. It was nine am, but he decided to undress and climb in with her. She turned over when he crawled wearily into the warm bedclothes and pulled her into his arms.

"Spencer?"

"Shh… go back to sleep. We'll talk later."

She nodded but she didn't go back to sleep. When she was sure he was out, she got up and pulled on Reid's shirt. She went out to the living room and sat down in front of the chessboard.

She wasn't very good at the game. She couldn't seem to think five moves ahead, like Reid. He was always thinking ahead. She reached out and touched the black king. It was cool to the touch and it made her shiver.

She stood and went to the kitchen. The coffee pot was cold so she set about making a fresh pot. Perhaps the coffee could wipe the cobwebs out of her brain and help her decide what to do next.

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Reid found Hope sitting in front of his chess set and staring at the board with unseeing eyes. "Hey," he said.

She glanced up and the hurt in her sea blue eyes punched him in the gut. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his ratty old robe and went to join her at the little table.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you about the shooting," he said.

"It's not that," she said dully. "One of these days I'm going to get a call from Hotch or Garcia and they'll tell me your dead."

"No," he began, but she interrupted loudly. "Don't tell me it won't happen, Spencer. I know it will."

"I'm not Jonathon."

She flinched as if struck. "That's not fair." She shouted. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Hope!"

"No," she leaped out of her chair. "Don't take that tone with me. You're the one that's been shot twice on the job."

"Four times," he corrected.

She rounded on him. "What did you say?"

"Four times, you know that scar on my leg and the one on my left shoulder?"

She swore and despite it, all he nearly smiled at the way her temper matched her hair, which was still wildly askew from sleeping.

"What else?" she demanded. "I want to know everything, starting with Texas."

"I told you we were surprised to walk into a police force full of corrupt cops."

"Yeah, I remember," she sat and crossed her arms over her chest and pouted rather adorably to him. "Now I have to worry about cops as well as your damn unsubs."

"And nurses," he said.

She murdered him with an expression he was sure could crack granite. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"My nurse tried to poison me with antibiotics. I'm allergic and when I pointed it out to him, he ignored me and tried to inject them. I managed to pull out the IV and knock the syringe out of his hand, but he had a gun in his waist band."

"Are you fucking kidding me," she said and he flinched at her inflection.

"No, I'm not kidding. Luckily, my gun was in the bag with all my stuff and Garcia was there. She shot him and saved my life. She hates guns," he supplied helpfully.

"Yay for Garcia. I'm going to buy her a new pair of Jimmy Choos," she said and he saw that some of the anger retreated from her eyes.

"I just mean that a killer or someone with a bomb isn't the only danger I encounter. I walked into a private home and was ex-"

He stopped and she stared at him. "What?"

"I can't talk about it."

"Can't or won't," she snapped. "I don't like secrets, Spencer."

"It's a matter of national security."

She jumped out of her chair again and he thought she might burst into flame to match her hair. "I can't believe you just said that to me. Are you crazy?"

"No, I'm deadly serious. I can't talk about it."

"Spencer."

"I can't talk about it," he repeated. "Please don't beg."

"I'm not begging. I want to know what you've been through. All of it."

"I've told you everything I can, Hope. Please don't put me in this position."

"I didn't put you in this position, as you say. You're the one that decided to be a profiler."

"Yeah, I did, but not anymore."

She stopped her pacing. "What?"

"You heard me. I got up early today to go see Hotch. I tenured my resignation."

"Spencer, you didn't -"

"He refused to accept it. He said to talk to you and to think about it while I'm on leave. He said if I still feel this way when it's time to go back, he'd accept it."

She dropped into her chair and stared at him. "You quit your job."

"I tried."

She swallowed loudly and wouldn't meet his eyes. "I don't know what to say."

"You're doing a great job, don't stop now."

"That's not funny."

He picked up the white king and turned it over in his hands. "I'm not trying to be funny. I know you're happy I quit. You hate my job."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Spencer."

"Say what you're thinking. Verbal communication only works if you actually speak."

"That's not funny. You know I can't say what I'm thinking."

"Why, are you afraid you'll hurt me? I have thicker skin than you think, Hope. I was a genius kid in the public school system."

"Again, that's not funny."

"Stop stalling!"

"Alright," she got up and went to stand right in front of him. "I'm glad you quit or tried to quit. Are you happy now?"

He stood and put both hands on her shoulders. Her eyes were filled with tears and her mouth trembled.

"No, I'm not happy. How can I be happy when you're so obviously upset?"

She pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm so afraid, Spencer. What if Garcia hadn't shot that nurse? What if that bullet in your neck had hit your carotid? I'd be going to another funeral. I can't stand it."

"Hope," he pulled out of her arms and leaned in to look her right in the eyes "Don't you think I've considered all the possibilities? A man can only cheat death so many times. It's why I decided to quit."

"If you do," she squeaked and wiped her eyes with her fingers, "One day you'll resent me."

"No, it's my decision."

"But, you're making it because of me," she wailed. "While I want you to be safe, I don't want you to hate me one day. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Hope."

"What are we going to do?"

He pulled her into his arms again. "I don't know."

"Yes, you do know," she said. "I can see it in your eyes even if you can't admit it. You already regret going to Hotch."

He let her go and went back to the chessboard. She stood there while he sat, looked at the board and made a move that didn't make any sense to her.

"That doesn't look right to me," she said and tried to see ahead as he'd taught her.

"It's not," he admitted. "I just left my queen open. You can check me in two moves."

"Why?"

"Because you're right. I was so upset last night and I thought I was doing the right thing but now…"

"Now you're not sure," she said.

"I thought I was, but you're reaction made me rethink my position."

"Well, I didn't think reverse psychology would work on the great Dr. Reid. I hadn't intended that to be the result, by the way?"

"I'm human, just like you," Reid retorted. "Reverse psychology does work on me, but only if you're not trying," he quipped.

"Not funny," she said and began to cry.

"I'm sorry."

She sat across from him. "I was so happy for a minute when you said you'd quit, but now you're talking like you want to stay."

"I think I do, but I still want to think about it."

She wiped at more tears. "Spencer, I don't know if I can -"

"This is who I am," he said quietly. "I forgot that for awhile. I was wrong."

"I'm glad for you," she said sarcastically and got up. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Don't ask me to change," he shouted. "You and I are the same. Don't you remember that night when we both talked about fighting the killers we encounter? You do it with chemotherapy and radiation and I do it with profiling and sometimes with a gun. I won't ask you to change for me, Hope. Don't ask me to change for you."

She turned and went to his room. He sat and stared at the game he'd purposely thrown until she returned sometime later with her clothes on and her bag.

"Hope."

"I need some time to think," she said. "Please don't call me for a couple of days."

He watched her leave and something in his chest hurt so much he couldn't move for long minutes that stretched out into what seemed like weeks. He finally went back to the chessboard and turned the white queen over on her side.


	19. Cougar Attack

_**Disclaimer: see my profile **_

_**Cougar Attack**_

"_**A person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them - they're who they've been during your whole relationship."**_

_**Rainer Maria Rilke**_

When someone knocked at his door, he ignored it and stared at the wall. His neck ached and burned and the last thing he wanted to do was talk to _anyone_.

The knock sounded again and became more insistent, "Go away," he yelled.

He refocused his eyes on the far wall. Whoever pounded at his door had to go away sometime. If he just continued to ignore them….

"Spencer! Please open the door."

He shot up from his sofa and hurried to the door. "What are you doing here?"

She flinched and her shoulders dropped. "I'm sorry I just barged in, but I wanted to apologize."

"I don't want to hear it. My neck is burning and I didn't sleep last night."

"Give me five minutes, Spencer. Please!"

The door to the next apartment swung open and a woman with shoulder length, golden blond hair that could only come from a bottle, stepped out. She turned and stopped. Her hazel eyes widened in surprise and interest. She sashayed directly to Reid. "Spencer, what happened to you?"

"Um, hi, Chloe."

"Don't hi, me," she pouted which only emphasized the lines around her mouth. "Why do you have a bandage around your neck?"

"Do you mind?" Hope demanded very loudly.

Chloe latched on to Reid's arm. "Baby," she purred, "I hate to see you hurt. That job of yours is _so_ dangerous."

"Hey," Hope shoved at Chloe. "His job is very important. He helps people. It's who he is, so back off."

"Guys," Reid squeaked, but they ignored him.

The women, one with her hair in a messy ponytail, a tee shirt, and sweat pants with red eyes and blotchy skin, the other with crows' feet around her eyes, a slinky dress meant for someone half her age and three inch heels, stood glaring at each other.

"Honey, you're the one that needs to back off."

"Ladies."

"I _said_, mind your own business," Hope snarled at Chloe.

Chloe glared down at her then put her hands on her hips and winked at Spencer. "I can't stand around here all day. I have things to do. You better take care of him," Chloe smirked at Hope. "Looks like he needs it. See you later, Spencer"

She waved fingers with pink painted nails at him and swayed away down the stairs.

"Who was that?"

He ignored Hope's angry and red eyes. "Come in, I don't want to talk about it in the hallway."

They went inside and he shut the door with a bang "That was Ms Cavanaugh. She's my neighbor."

"Looks to me like she wants to be more than neighbors."

"I don't even like her. After Maeve died, the girls on the team brought me care baskets, but I didn't want to interact with people, so I left them on the doorstep. Ms Cavanaugh took about five of them without asking."

"She was flirting with you!" Tears welled up and rolled down her cheeks.

"She wasn't flirting," he denied.

"Damn it," Hope yelled. "Are you so clueless that you don't see that other women think you're attractive?"

"Hope. She's just a neighbor. She thinks I'm her fix-it guy."

"Oh yeah, she'd like you to "fix," her, alright."

"That's not what I meant. She's always asking me to repair stuff around her place. I don't know why. I'm not great with tools. I keep telling her to call the super, but she keeps calling me."

Hope went to the couch and sat down. He joined next to her and put a hand on her arm.

"Don't touch me."

He yanked his hand away as if burned and turned his eyes to the window where he'd watched Alex leave.

"I came over here because last night was hell. I missed you so much. I was worried about you. You're hurt, and I said some terrible things. I was going to say I'm sorry and I wanted to talk, but then I see how your neighbor looks at you."

"I can't believe you're jealous. She's at least fifteen years older than me"

"She's a cougar, Spencer and you're too naïve to see that she thinks you're the banquet after a hunger strike."

"Hope!"

"You're hot, and you're smart, kind, gentle and completely wonderful."

"I - I'm not -"

"Don't say you don't believe it. I don't care if you can't understand your appeal. Any woman with half a brain to know a good thing sees it. If you want her because of how I treated you last night, then tell me now."

He reached over and cupped her cheek with his long, supple fingers. She flinched, and then leaned into his hand. He caressed her skin and she closed her eyes as shivers raced up and down her back and legs.

"I don't want Chloe. I love you, Hope. The last three months have been the best of my life. Thank you for defending me to her."

"I couldn't let her tell you what to do. You're job is who you are, Spencer. I realized that last night. You've always supported me, and I owe you the same."

"You don't owe me anything. This isn't about debt or who has the most to give the other."

She pulled back and wiped at her nose with a Kleenex pulled from her sweatpants pocket. "I'm sorry. I feel like everything is spinning out of control."

"I think I have some idea what you feel. Everything is changing so fast. I get shot, and Alex leaves."

"Oh baby, I completely forgot about Alex. I know how much she means to you as a friend. I like her, too."

He leaned back on the couch and Hope snuggled up in his arms. She put her head down and listened to his heartbeat for a few minutes. The rise and fall of his chest and the slow exhalations of his breathing began to make her eyelids droop. "I'm so tired," she said sleepily

"Me too. Just close your eyes."

She shivered at the touch of his hands on her hair. Her eyes closed and she fell into a sleep that was as deep as gentle flowing stream and just as dreamless.

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When she opened her eyes, she lay on the couch with an orange and yellow knitted throw over her body. Spencer was gone and for a minute, she wondered if she dreamed the entire scene with him. She sat up and brushed her fingers through her hair, which had fallen out of her ponytail. She must look like Death; she thought and rubbed her eyes with both hands. She pulled off the blanket and threw it over the back of the couch as Spencer walked in from the direction of his bedroom.

"Hey," he said softly. "How do you feel?"

She stood up and swayed a little on her feet. "I'm fine. I feel like I slept for a couple of hours."

"Actually, it was three hours. It's almost one."

She shook her head. "Wow, I guess no sleep last night really caught up with me."

"It's okay. I went to sleep, too. I'm feeling a little better. I just wish my neck would stop aching."

"When did you have your last pain medication?"

"About six hours ago."

"Then I say it's time for another."

"Yeah, I have to take it with food, though. Do you want a late lunch?"

"Sounds good, I'm starved."

"I warn you that I'm not a great cook like you. I've got some fixings for a couple of sandwiches."

"I'm good with that."

He brought them coffee, and a couple of chicken salad sandwiches a few minutes later. He'd also managed to find a couple of apples that weren't spoiled.

"Looks good."

He passed her a plate and a mug. They sat on the floor near his coffee table and ate in silence. She watched him chew thoughtfully and wondered what he was thinking. He looked over at her and smiled. His beautiful eyes were sad and a little bit haunted.

"What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking about what Hotch said. I wasn't just reacting to Alex leaving when I told him I wanted to quit. It's all the interruptions to our time together. I never used to mind when the phone rang late at night, or on a weekend, but now it's different. I have more in my life than profiling. I have more to lose."

"Spencer, if this is about -"

He held up a hand. "Let me finish. You were right when you said that this job is who I am, but it's not all that I am. I want to help people, Hope, but not at the expense of us."

She put down her coffee mug and wiped at her lips with the paper napkin he'd included with their lunch provisions.

"I wondered what it might feel like to know that you're so conflicted. The smallest part of me wants to be happy. I thought if you said you wanted to quit, I'd be ecstatic, and for a moment, I was. Then I thought about how happy you are. You're one of the rare people that found what fulfills them, even if it's the hardest work you'll ever do. You're one of the lucky ones, like me. I can't ask you to give that up, even if I'm not happy with where it takes you, or how it endangers you. I'm sorry I was so angry when you changed your mind about leaving your job. I want to be noble and say that I'll live with the difficulties your work brings, but it's so hard."

He slid around the table and took her hand. "Please don't be angry when I say I sometimes wish you weren't a nurse in a cancer ward."

He stopped her with a finger to her lips when she tried to interrupt. "I just mean that I can see how it tears you apart every day. I was there, remember. I saw the kids, it was the saddest, and yet the most inspirational thing I've ever experienced. Therefore, I understand why you go back every day and why you can still smile that beautiful smile. You amaze me with your strength and your commitment to those incredible kids. That's who you are and so, I'll never ask you to turn you back on them."

"What do we do now?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm a genius, Hope, but I don't know everything."

She snorted out a laugh. "I suppose that's fair. After all, if you knew everything, you'd be insufferable."

He rubbed the web between her thumb and first finger. "I'm glad I don't know everything, but what I do know is that I won't lose you. I couldn't bear it."

"I'm glad we're on the same page."

"Me too."

"So, I take it you've made your decision about leaving your job."

He blew out a breath. "I'm still thinking about it."

"I don't think you have to think about it. I can see in your eyes that you're missing the rush of your job."

"It's not like that," he argued.

"Oh, Spencer Reid, me thinks thou doth protest too much."

He gaped at her, and then he went very pink in the cheeks. "I think you need to join the team as a profiler."

She shook her head, "No way, my love, I'll leave that to you."

He sighed again and frowned. "I keep thinking I wish that you were wrong, but you're right. I was angry and thinking only with my heart when I went to see Hotch. I was reacting to everything that's happened in the last couple of days, not to the last ten years."

"I guess it's a good thing that your boss was smart enough to know your true heart."

He laughed. "You're right."

She pulled him close and hugged him. "I'm so sorry I let my upset get the better of me last night. Thank you for letting me back in."

He gently pushed her away and cupped her chin with his hand. "You're welcome."

He kissed the tip of her nose and she laughed. "I promise the next time we argue, I will not run out on you."

He raised his eyebrows and said with great disbelief in his tone. "You think we'll argue again?"

She smacked his shoulder with her napkin. "Yeah, but only once a day."

He chuckled again and shook his head. "Alright, Ms. Charles. I promise next time to think before I speak."

They shook hands, and then kissed over the remains of their lunch. She began to gather up the debris, when he stopped her. "In all seriousness, this won't be easy."

"I realize that," she said. "I'm willing to take the chance."

"I'm very glad because I love you so much."

She leaned in for another kiss. "You made lunch, so I'll clean up the mess."

"Hey, Hope," he called when she went to the kitchen."

"Yeah, Spencer."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

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He was lying on the couch when she left the bathroom with her face washed and her hair rearranged in a ponytail. Her face wasn't blotchy red and white and she was smiling.

"Hey," she said softly. "I'm going home. You need rest and I'm still exhausted."

He blinked and sat up. "I want to argue with you, but I'm wiped out. Be careful driving home, okay."

"I will. I'll call you later."

"I'll be waiting."


	20. Happy Birthday

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**A/n this is the last chapter boys and girls. Thank you all for your support and a special shout out to REIDFANATIC, my ever faithful friend and beta. **_

_**Happy Birthday**_

"_**The first duty of love is to listen."**_

_**Paul Tillich**_

"Thanks coming with me to this party," Reid said as he pulled a couple of blankets from the back of the car.

Hope carried a basket with the pasta salad she'd made for the picnic. "I told you I couldn't wait. You agreed to meet my family on July 4th, so we're good."

"Don't remind me," Reid said as she pushed down the trunk lid with a clunking snap.

She met him on the left side of the car and reached up to kiss him soundly on the cheek. "Thank you, babe."

He tried to smile, but failed miserably. "Are you sure they'll like me?"

She took his left arm and pulled him forward. "They're going to love you. Anyway, you have about six weeks until then, so don't stress about it. Just enjoy Memorial Day."

He drew in a huge breath and walked forward to JJ's front door. "You're right. I don't have to think about it today."

The sun winked off the tops of the trees and spilled shadows onto JJ's porch. It was about 70 degrees and the sky was as blue as cut and polished sapphires. It was absolutely clear and cloudless. The air smelled of spring and the grass formed the perfect background to JJ's colorful flowers and plants.

"This is a beautiful home," Hope observed.

"I love this house," Reid said. "I want a home like this someday."

They passed under the porch, and into the shade. Hope blinked and took off her sunglasses. Spencer knocked and about three seconds later, a small boy opened the door.

"Uncle Spence," he shouted and jumped into Spencer's arms.

"Hey kiddo," Spencer hugged him tight and kissed his cheek. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Momma said we can eat on the picnic table outside."

"She did?"

"Yeah," he tugged on Reid's hand. "Momma said we get to have hot dogs and hamburgers."

Reid followed Henry inside with Hope following along behind with a smirk on her face.

"Hi, Henry," she said.

"Hi," he said and frowned. "Uncle Spence, can you do some magic tricks?"

"After we eat," Reid said firmly.

"Okay," he said and twisted his little face into a pout.

Hope almost laughed when Spencer rolled his eyes. "Remember what momma said about pouting, Henry."

The little boy's eyes got big. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay. Why don't we go outside and you can show me the picnic table?"

"I wanna show you my new bike," said Henry excitedly.

"You got a new bike."

"Yeah, come on," he tugged on Spencer's hand.

Reid reached back and squeezed Hope's fingers. "JJ's probably in the kitchen."

"I'll see you later. Henry, I want to see the bike too, but I have something for dinner to give your mom."

She watched Spencer cross the living room to the porch door. He turned back and winked at her just as JJ hurried out of the kitchen area.

"Hey, Hope, I thought I heard the door, but there's so much to do."

"It's fine. I brought a pasta salad."

"Great, I always say you can't have too much food for a summer picnic."

"I hear you," Hope enthused. "We always have a ton of food at our family parties, so this is good."

"Come on, I'll show you where to put your salad. I thought we'd go buffet style." JJ said as she led the way into the kitchen.

The long island in the center of the room was covered with food including a platter of hamburgers, seasoned and waiting for the fire. Another platter had chicken breasts brushed with barbecue sauce, hot dogs, and bratwurst.

"Is that bratwurst?" Hope inquired.

"Yeah, do you like it?"

"I love it. We have it at our Fourth of July parties every year."

JJ gestured to the counter. "Everyone can get their sides and condiments here, and then Will's going to serve the meat at the grill."

"Good plan."

"Why don't you go out and join the rest of the team?"

"No way, I'm gonna help you."

Garcia and Alex entered the kitchen from the living area. "We knew you were here because Spencer just made an appearance," Alex said. "Nice to see both of you."

"You too," Hope said.

"Well, I know that JJ thinks she doesn't need help, but with all of us we'll be ready to eat in no time."

"I assume the men are all gathered around the grill."

"Morgan was lecturing everyone on the proper way to light charcoal. Now that the coals are ready, he started in on barbecuing techniques. Then, Reid got here and saw Henry's new bike. He's interrogating Will about Henry's safety gear"

JJ laughed aloud. "I'd love to see the look on Will's face."

"I don't think he was too happy, but he's dealing."

"Well, they better be ready because everything's ready for the fire."

She picked up the platter of hamburgers and headed toward the back porch. "I'm starving."

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The picnic table turned out to be two pushed together end to end. They were large enough for the party to sit comfortably with all the food. A breeze had come up and was keeping most of the insects away, although there were some ants and a couple of flies. Reid swatted one away from Henry. The little boy had insisted on sitting between him and Hope.

"Do you like pasta salad, Henry," Hope asked.

Henry shook his head. "I want a hot dog, with mustard."

"Say please," JJ, admonished.

"Please," Henry whined and Hope laughed. "I think that can be arranged.

She picked up a hot dog in its bun and squeezed on some yellow mustard. "Say thank you," JJ reminded him as he bit into the treat.

"Thank you," he said around a full mouth.

Hope smiled over his head at Reid. He winked at her and sliced into the barbecue chicken on his plate.

"This salad rocks, Hope," Garcia said.

"Yeah," Rossi said. "It's nice to have pasta salad without drowning it in mayo."

"It's my mother's recipe."

"Tell her I said it's the best pasta salad outside of my Nana's kitchen."

Hope beamed at him. Reid reached over and rubbed her shoulder. "Thanks, Dave."

"You're welcome."

Hotch and Jack sat on the other side of Hope, and Beth, who'd come down for the weekend from New York was there on the left of Hotch. "I agree with Rossi," she said to Hope. "The salad is great."

"I like the hamburgers," Jack said and they all laughed.

"They are pretty good," Hotch observed. "What's your secret?" Hotch directed at Will.

"You have to let the meat reach room temp before you put it on the grill other wise you shock the meat and its tough."

"I'll keep that in mind for the Fourth of July."

Garcia and Morgan sat next to each other and made everyone laugh, including Sam and Savannah, with their antics. Despite the fact that it was a large gathering, it felt like family to her. She hoped that when Spencer met her family, he'd feel the same way.

"Hey," he said over Henry's head. "What are you thinking?"

"We'll talk about it later."

When it was time for dessert, JJ refused to let Hope help. She made everyone stay in the backyard for several minutes then she returned with a caked topped with lit candles in her hands. "Happy Birthday, Hope."

"Spencer?"

She looked at him and he was grinning at her. "Happy Birthday," he said and everyone began to sing.

"JJ, this is wonderful. How did you know?" She asked unnecessarily.

"Spence told me and I'm glad he did. It gave me an excuse to make my special lemon cake and chocolate sour cream frosting."

"Oh, yeah, lemon cake is my absolute favorite."

JJ put the cake in front of her after Reid whisked away her plate. "I'm very glad to hear that, because Spence didn't know when I asked him."

"What?" He said when they both turned their eyes on him."

Henry tugged on Hope's sleeve. "Did you get lots of presents for your birthday?"

Hope nodded and then looked at Spence who winked at her. She went bright red in the face and threw her napkin across the table at Morgan when he giggled.

"No comments from the peanut gallery."

"What's a peanut gallery," Jack wondered.

"The peanut gallery comes from the time of vaudeville," Reid began and Morgan rolled his eyes. "The cheapest seats were in the back or on the balcony and were often the rowdiest of the crowd. The most affordable snack was peanuts and they'd get thrown during the show. Others in the theater would yell, "Quiet in the peanut gallery."

Jack and Henry only stared at Spencer, while the rest of the adults roared with laughter.

Jack pulled on Hotch's arm and said something Hope didn't hear. "Jack wants to know what all of that means," Hotch said. "I told him I'd explain it later."

"Good luck," Rossi hollered.

"Enough about the peanut gallery," JJ said. "Hope still needs to cut that cake."

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Hope joined Spencer on her couch and hugged him around the waist. "That was a wonderful birthday."

He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed it. "I'm so glad our surprise worked. I wanted you to have a great day."

"I did. It was awesome."

"Are you sure your family isn't mad that they didn't get to see you on your day?"

"No, it's fine. We had our party last night, remember. Every time my birthday falls on Memorial Day, they always have a party the night before so it's just my day."

"I'm glad."

"Yeah, it's fun. I'm just so happy I got to spend my birthday with you."

"I loved it and I love you."

She reached up and touched the healing scar on Reid's neck. He pulled her hand away. "I'm alright, Hope."

"I'm doing it again," she said.

"Yeah, I've recovered from injury before, but each time I want to accelerate the healing so I can get on with my life."

They sat for a minute and then Hope said. "I saw you talking to Hotch right after we ate."

Reid stretched out his arms over his head and groaned. "I told him I withdrew my resignation."

Hope clasped his hand tight. "I knew you would. It's not like you to give up, Spencer.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm going to be fine. I'm just worried about you."

"It's going to take time. I still wake up hear the sound of the Hydro Shock bullets in my head. I'm so happy I have you to talk to. Thank you for being there for me."

"You don't have to thank me, Spencer. I was thinking last night that your scar reminds me to be grateful."

He stroked her head with his fingers. "I guess I haven't thought about it like that, but you're right. It is a reminder that I'm still here and I have the most wonderful woman in my life."

After a minute, he asked her. "What did you enjoy most about the day?"

"I liked seeing you with Henry and Jack. They're so cute and you're so good with them."

"They're great kids. I love spending time with them."

"You're going to be a great dad, Spencer."

"Hope."

"We never talked about kids after you brought it up a few weeks ago."

"I'm sorry about that. We've only been together for three and a half months. I should've thought before I spoke."

"It's okay, Spencer. I do want to have children some day."

"We don't have to talk about it now," Spencer said. "I know what's happened to us in the last few weeks hasn't been conducive to the notion that we have time, but I think we do."

She reached up and kissed him lightly on the mouth. "You're right. Euripides said, "No one can confidently say he will be living tomorrow."

"That really doesn't say much for my argument," Reid pointed out.

"No, I just mean that you're right because we don't know what comes next so we might as well enjoy everyday and what it might bring, good or bad."

"I think I can do that," Reid said.

"I'm glad because every day I wake up and I realize you love me, I know I'm blessed."

"Come on," Reid tugged her to her feet. "I'm tired."

"Are you sure, or are you just trying to get me into bed?"

He pinched her backside and she squealed. "What do you think, birthday girl?"

"I think it's a good thing you're hot or I'd have to smack you."

"You're always threatening me with bodily harm. Oddly, I'm turned on rather than scared."

She punched him lightly in the shoulder. "You're lucky it's my birthday and I'm horny or you'd be in trouble."

He slung his arm around her shoulders. "Follow me, Ms Charles and prepare to be stunned."

"Ha, ha, you're very confident."

"What can I say, I had a good teacher."

"Good answer, Dr. Reid."

_**THE END**_


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